“He’s a practical joker,” says Bernie Mac about fellow Ocean’s Twelve co-star George Clooney. “You’ve got to watch yourself at all times. You open a door, you better make sure a bucket of water don’t fall on you. George’ll put gum in your drink after he’s chewed on it…

You better watch when you sit down, make sure the chair don’t fold up on you and there ain’t no tacks on it. He’s a mofo. George is constantly needling you.” 

Bernie Mac’s health may be down, but he’s not out. His recent battle with pneumonia put him in the hospital and flat on his back for weeks. Playboy Contributing Editor David Rensin caught up with Mac, and his oxygen tank, to discuss his sickness, hanging with his Ocean’s Twelve co-stars, golf and his gun collection.

Following are select quotes from Bernie Mac’s December Playboy Interview (on newsstands Friday, November 12): 

On his recent bout of pneumonia: “I’d never been sick in my life before. Forty-six years of playing sports, humbugging, football, baseball, basketball, never had nothing broken. Never was in the hospital. I was hospitalized about 2:30 last Thursday morning, and after some chest X-rays at three they told me I got pneumonia. Today I went to the doctor, and everything is going real good. I’ve been walking with this oxygen stuff sometimes. Before, I couldn’t even walk across this living room.”

On his Ocean’s Twelve co-stars: “We played poker, had cigars, had dinners all the time, parties. It was just a good time. Jerry Weintraub, the producer, might be a pain in the ass, but he really knows how to treat his actors. Top-shelf. We were the Rat Pack.”

On fame: “I’m not a star, and I don’t want to be a star. Stars fall. I’m an entertainer, a performer. I’m an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job. I’m a comedian, a clown, and that’s fine with me. I’m the guy who takes people away from their problems for an hour and a half or two.”

On his gun collection: “I have Glocks, .45s, Berettas, over-unders, Remingtons. I like the marksmanship and the discipline that it takes to be a gun owner. I like the machinery, breaking it down. Being able to take it out, clean it and put the spring back in is even more fascinating than having the gun.”

On black romance in film: “Every time you see a black romance it’s over-the-top. There always has to be extreme hostility between the sexes. He has to cheat. She has to show him how independently strong she is, not just as a woman but as a black woman.”

On maturing: “Around when my grandfather died, I was living in a bad place, not in terms of harming others but of harming myself. I was irresponsible. I ran the streets and my priorities were all messed up. I’d lost several apartments, furniture. I had to move in with people constantly. I couldn’t hold a job, and I was the talk of the family. I couldn’t understand why I was always hurting people who loved me. I was tired of being a no-good son of a bitch who called himself a man but was just a grown boy. Living check to check, blaming people and mad at other people’s fortunes.”

On today’s TV producers: “Look at Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, Dick Van Dyke. The fathers were the breadwinners, the strong individuals. When Wally and the Beaver had a problem, Ward would go upstairs and give them everyday lessons. Now it’s the quick joke. You’ve got guys in charge of shows who probably went to school for chemistry, and now they’re executive producers.”

On his fears: “Not being able to give my best. I get anxious about taking new material to the people. When I don’t give my best it taunts me. It tears me apart. It’s almost like cheating on a test: You passed, and everybody thinks you’re great, but you know you don’t know shit. Whatever success I’ve had, I always like to top it.”

On golf: “Golf will change your life. I love the camaraderie. I love playing all these beautiful courses. I love the aftermath-the beers, the cigars, the good food. I like meeting good people. I don’t deal with toxic waste. When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars-that’s heaven here on earth.”

Kanye West raps it up with Playboy in the December issue as well, while hip hop’s first son, Nas, joins his dad, legendary jazz and blues musician Olu Dara to discuss music and family business.

Buy Bernie Mac DVD’s By Clicking Here.

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