The needs of the modern woman

[Vexer]

Is it just me or it seems nowadays women need 3 things:

(i) To be fed;
(ii) To be laid;
(iii) To be bought airtime.

I swear I've seen a couple of girls since getting divorced last year and it always seems to boil down to these three "essentials". WTF!!

[K'niep Tang]

What's the average age of these women you've encountered?

Several people I know are separated/ divorced. I figure a survey should be done on divorcees aged 25 to 40. I wanna know what's going wrong so early.

[Vexer]

From 23-32. It doesn't matter what they do for a living.Inevitably, I always get asked for airtime. The 2 surprising ones were a 26 yr old model and a 28 yr old Ad exec. I was like WTF.

Without fail, I can always tick off those three boxes.

I got divorced at 31. I would have liked to stay married but things just went south.

[K'niep Tang]

Given your experience, would you remarry?

[Vexer]

Definetely. Marriage was cool for me coz it allowed me to work hard.

[K'niep Tang]

Definetely. Marriage was cool for me coz it allowed me to work hard.

Please elaborate?

[Vexer]

Well I could work 14-18 Hr days knowing my home situation was cool coz my wife was there and I wud never go to a lonely bed. I always had sum1 to talk 2 and comfort me.

I also enjoyed bringing in the bacon and seeing the smile on my ex-wife's face and getting my daughter stuff. It was a huge motivator.

[K'niep Tang]

Well I could work 14-18 Hr days knowing my home situation was cool coz my wife was there and I wud never go to a lonely bed. I always had sum1 to talk 2 and comfort me.

I also enjoyed bringing in the bacon and seeing the smile on my ex-wife's face and getting my daughter stuff. It was a huge motivator.

Cool.

[Vexer]

So for me getting divorced affected my motivation coz I had to figure out a whole set of different reasons to keep it moving bcoz before everything was about my family.

[K'niep Tang]

Your perceptions of marriage before you got into it, did they hold water? Or were you met by a different situation to what you expected?

And also, if you don't mind me asking, did your relationship with your ex change much once you had tied the knot? Or was it business as usual for the most part?

[Vexer]

I think marriage is good but it can only work with mutual respect and understanding as well dealing with changes in one another thru time.

What went wrong in my marriage was that my ex and I met in Uni.It was cool to do things the way we did in Uni but 6-8yrs later things were different.

I for one felt the pressures of manhood a lot more with my daughter's arrival so my perception of reality changed as well as my expectations of her and myself.

This created the problem bcoz my ex wanted us to have an idyllic Uni romance but I was facing financial problems I had to solve as the man etc so I couldn't pussyfoot in the game coz I now had to make proper moves that yielded results for the sake of my daughter.

My ex didn't understand just how much the pressure changed me coz the situation was very real to me since the last thing I wanted was to be a failure to my daughter.

As a result, I became a totally different person out of necessity but she still wanted me to be like the boy I was in Uni but reality didn't allow that otherwise we couldn't succeed so in the end it led to a breakdown bcoz I just cund't be the same guy she met in Uni. The lyrics to the Proverb Joint "Breadwinners" are more real than u can ever imagine:

See I'm a Dad Now/
That means the hustle has changed/
It ain't just rap now, I got to use the muscle and brains/
See I'm a man now that means I mustn't complain/
I'm like Jabba the way I've doubled the H/
The hustle that is, and I'm faster coming of age

That sums me up right there. But I've moved forward now and am becoming Partner in a new Law firm in March in spite of the stress but the game can exert its pressures and for me my marriage just couldn't deal with it or understand it had made me evolve.

[Alcohol Abuser]

My mans...do you still got a relationship with your daughter in spite of the divorce...that's my worst fear not havin a relationship with my seed after a break up

[K'niep Tang]

Congrats on the Law firm hustle. Good to hear such.

...the game can exert its pressures and for me my marriage just couldn't deal with it or understand it had made me evolve.

This is what irks me the most about marriage. That whether you like it or not, people and circumstances will change, sometimes drastically in a short space of time, for better or for worse. So when those words "til death do us part" are I do'd, I'm always like hmmmmm. Not coz I don't think people can do it, but more coz I feel a lot of people don't know what they're truly saying. What they're gettitng themselves into. The future is a mystery to all of us. And to say 'no matter what may come, I'ma stick it through' - that's major.

All the best with the rest of your journey man.

[Vexer]

My mans...do you still got a relationship with your daughter in spite of the divorce...that's my worst fear not havin a relationship with my seed after a break up

Yes I do, but at great effort and expense. My ex didn't want me to see the child or to live with the Child after the breakup. I offered to live with the child but she said no and that the child must stay with the grandma (her Mom) and she took the child to the grandma without my approval or knowledge.

I tried speaking to her Mom after it went down but she wudn't budge so I was like hell no and so I sued both her and the Mum in the High Court and got a Court Order to give me visitation as well as to put into place a social worker's invetsigation to decide who the child must live with. But even tho I am an Attorney I had to hire somebody else represent me and it cost me a packet not to mention the personal stress.

I will probably get custody since she doesn't want to live with the child but I'm more than willing to live with my daughter permanently. I already have a child-minder who stayed with me and my daughter for the 1st two week visitation I had and it was easy as pie so I can definetely do it.

I cudn't forgive myself tho if I let my child grow up with the granny. I am not hustling and hitting these streets hard for that to happen.

@ Kniep Tang, yeah you never know man sometimes experience is the best teacher.some people fold some make it happen.

[briCK]

My mans...do you still got a relationship with your daughter in spite of the divorce...that's my worst fear not havin a relationship with my seed after a break up

Yes I do, but at great effort and expense. My ex didn't want me to see the child or to live with the Child after the breakup. I offered to live with the child but she said no and that the child must stay with the grandma (her Mom) and she took the child to the grandma without my approval or knowledge.

I tried speaking to her Mom after it went down but she wudn't budge so I was like hell no and so I sued both her and the Mum in the High Court and got a Court Order to give me visitation as well as to put into place a social worker's invetsigation to decide who the child must live with. But even tho I am an Attorney I had to hire somebody else represent me and it cost me a packet not to mention the personal stress.

I will probably get custody since she doesn't want to live with the child but I'm more than willing to live with my daughter permanently. I already have a child-minder who stayed with me and my daughter for the 1st two week visitation I had and it was easy as pie so I can definetely do it.

I cudn't forgive myself tho if I let my child grow up with the granny. I am not hustling and hitting these streets hard for that to happen.

@ Kniep Tang, yeah you never know man sometimes experience is the best teacher.some people fold some make it happen.

Sorry to her this is the route things went,

WHY, I will tread carefully coz this the mother of your kid, but I am fuming inside...why won''t she want you to see you kid worse still why won't she want to stay with her own kid...the nail in the coffin is why give you kid to your mother when the father is willing and wanting to take care of her?

My baby mamma tried to pull that shit with me, i told her in as many words that "ngeke uk'bone lok'"

i gotta go but i'll add to this thread.