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Hip Hop Forums => Chief Rocka - Open Mic => Topic started by: AristoKat on June 10, 2003, 11:13:00 PM
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Yo mcs Aristokats nu in this game-I´ve only started
it ain´t easy 4 me to battle-I´m soft-hearted
not only that but i´m afraid of bein martyred
at the end of it my dead body be carted off the stage
in rage all ya´ll mcs lock me up in a lyrical cage
be gentle with me I´m like a rabbit with mange-contagious
only now I get the mind to be courageous
ya´ll mcs be vivacious,all ya´ll pugnacious,lyrically ostentatious
but me compared to ya´ll my rhymes be heinous
infact me tryna battle leaves me anxious-
to see how I´m gonna get ripped apart-
me and my soft-heart bake me into a cranberry tart
what ya´ll mcs produce is like art-shaped into a thick needle pointed dart
I see it flyin at me not my heart but my head-
to insure ya´ll that I be dead like flopped bread
I´m useless to this place all I´ll be is an excess
ya´ll kill me with perfect acuteness,
shit wait...I´m feelin sorry for myself
what the f*** am I sayin ya´ll can´t affect my health!!!
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Welcome...i will break down your shit tommorow i got to go now..but i will critique it for you
briCK
halla
8-)
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thanks man-i appreciate it-but be gentle! ;-)
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You need more practice.
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I know-I´ve only started man.
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this here was really good for a new mc. You spit better than a lot of catz on here...some who think they ill...so props to you.
good points:
vocab was off the hook, had some ok lines
bad points:
not well thought out, multie syllable rhyming missing, similes and metas missing
you got a long way to go but i see potential...
peace-1-
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you know how to mc, and your can project what you are saying.but dog if you gonna an mc with a soft heart...hahahahah...mcs will have that and your liver for breakfast.
anyway back to your shit, i do feel that shit..but dawg..cummon, i feel you compromised a lot for rhymes sake, don´t fall for the hype..don´t change what you wanna say for rhyme sake and also don´t just rhymes coz you have a rhyme.
mcing takes courage and faith in yourself the rhymes will come where and when they have to, say something first and in the only way you know how.
this piece does say something, you a pussy and want to felt sorry for, by the time you say you feeling sorry for yourself the message is tooo late to be changed. keep on your toes and put fear in the herat of your foes. in a street cypher honestly i don´t think i would have got your entire script coz i would not have been able to stomach an mc feeling sorry for theyself.
but on a whole good shit its definatly far from wack but has its weaknesses quite a few :D.
hope you heard what i was tryna say and it will help you in the street cyphers as well...
halla
8-)
[ This message was edited by: briCK on 11-06-2003 10:13 ]
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Thanks Brick-BIG help!!! :-D
I´ll strengthen my heart get it hard as rock-I was worried bout gettin eatin 4 breakfast.I understand everythin your saying-I´ll follow your advice.
Thanks again man!!!
Peace
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Stretch thanks u make me feel a bit more confident :-P , please fill me in on multie syllable rhyming, similes and metas. I know I look like a fool but I´m new & don´t understand much bout mcin. Thanks!!!
Peace
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1st of all stop usin yo dictoinary when riten coz dat shit iz unhealthy,(d big wordz)dat type of shit makes me not feel what message u tryin get across.....here let me give u homework...
finsh dis rhyme...
mc´z are tasteless for my tough to test on
i´m like n´falcon
only let loose to battle
flawless victory iz all dat i can handle....... :-o
[ This message was edited by: TOI on 11-06-2003 14:59 ]
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Mcs are tastless for my tough to test on
I´m like a falcon only let loose to battle
Flawless victory is all that I can handle
So get ready to witness this lyrical vandal
AristoKat´s scandle is here with incredible force
I´m scorin a hole in 20 at a 19 hole course
I´m higher than the average intelligent life source
Like Chinese I eat u dogs & yo flees without remmorse
I´m original-there ain´t no clones of me & won´t be
Listen sones I ain´t related to yo lyrical family tree
Cats I ain´t even born as an mc pedigree
I don´t have a degree on how 2 use a metaphor or similie
But like you i wasn´t raised as royalty in Beverly Hills
I don´t bring in bills for the spills of my mental skills
I just leave mcs with chills through their fragile spines
My rhymes proudly S.A. not tryna bring in dimes
I´m ready 2 show the underground grind my lyrical crimes
& I ain´t waitin in line f***ers-number 1 spot is mine!
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nice nice nice
:-D
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thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-P
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YO WAT UP SEXY KAT
IMA BE IN DURBAN IN BOUT 2 WEEKS TIME WE
NEED TO HOOK UP SENT YOU AN SMS DONT KNOW IF YOU GOTIT
ANY U GOT MY NUMBER CALL ME
;-)
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Adrenalin runs through my veins like unstoppable rage/
mentally abusin your brains on and off stage/
killin u mentally ain´t murder cause u still die further/
your mind kills itself filled with lyrical confusion/
my rhymes keep flowin from heart & mind like spiritual fusion/
ya struggle for breath like ya in h20 diffusion/
yo death is amusin strengthening my happy endorphens/
you were lost from da start like an orphan wit amnesia
going into seizure cause u cant survive without ya mind/
now rewind & see how mentally I killed you physically/
go back more to when your body fell to da floor/
your mind cold, raw and dry with no lyrical skill/
let ya spirit live to tell the story of ya mind´s chill/
so othas can know my drill sendin mcs to da graveyard´s hill!
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yeah was ok, but I agree the "big words"stood out unnaturally. From one newbie to another - keep it up :