Topics

91

Humour / Jokes / English or Afrikaans

« on: July 21, 2005, 09:23:35 AM »

Krisjan pulls into a service station in his battered bakkie, clad in
tattered khakis, velskoene, whiskers and ragged hat.
He hands the attendant the keys complete with a beautiful vierkleur flag:
Krisjan: "Goeie more. Maak vol met Super, a**eblief."
Attendant: "How much?"
Krisjan: "Vol a**eblief."
Attendant: "I only speak English!"
Krisjan: "No problem. Good day to you Sir. I currently feel a profound
desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I
cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a
sufficient quantity of combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to
fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the
brim."
Attendant: "Hau?"
Krisjan: "Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke
English?"
Attendant: "English, that is not English!"
Krisjan: "My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you
do not even recognize the language which you allege to be your singular
means of communication?"
Attendant: "Hau?"
Krisjan: "Let me attempt to elucidate in the most elementary terms; your
paltry grasp of English vernacular is frittering away the time at my
disposal or as I would put it in a civilized intelligible language - Dit
is so fokken duidelik soos daglig dat jy FOKOL van Engels weet en jy mors my
tyd. Verstaan jy nou?"
Attendant: "Ja Baas. Vol Baas?"
Krisjan: "Dankie!"

92

Humour / Jokes / Worldz Oldest Remote

« on: July 08, 2005, 10:50:57 AM »

 :twisted:

93

Motoring Forum / Who ate Dust?

« on: July 07, 2005, 10:28:51 AM »

Or like they'd say in Cape Dutch
"Jy sal jou gat sien meneer"

I'd like to suggest this topic for Road Racing addictZ in Urban settings.
What car you had when you let the other Guy see his arse, the setup and how you left that guy who shouldn't have tried testing you making a quick right at a funny off-ramp.

This would be interesting...

94

Hot Traxxx / The PlayList

« on: July 06, 2005, 05:14:22 PM »

Been M.I.A. 4 too Long.
Sample this & drop summin'

Wun.

[attachment deleted by admin]

95

Hip Hop Events / BATTLE OF THA DJz

« on: July 01, 2005, 09:08:34 AM »

The Long awaited.... Banga!



Perculus Maximus

96

Humour / Jokes / The doctor's office

« on: June 30, 2005, 10:10:16 AM »

Mrs. Ward goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test results. The lab tech says to her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your husband to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, your husband's results are either bad or terrible "What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asked. "Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questioned Mrs. Ward. "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." Mrs. Ward asked, "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The HMO recommends that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.""I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

 :lol:
Wun

97

Humour / Jokes / Deez Nuttz....

« on: June 24, 2005, 01:36:42 PM »

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his penis on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived while his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his willy into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his willy. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the Customer Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

98

Hip Hop Events / STARSTRUCK

« on: June 15, 2005, 06:10:38 PM »

Dat's Them
Nam Peoplez Rememba.



1nce Again

Perculus Maximus

99

Hip Hop Events / HOUSE PARTY

« on: June 02, 2005, 03:35:02 PM »

Nam Peepz, Don't Forget.

Perculus Maximus

100

Producers - Discussion / Live Sampler

« on: June 01, 2005, 04:55:11 PM »

Operation Lockdown.
Listenin' & Spittin Pleasure.

Word...

[attachment deleted by admin]

101

Humour / Jokes / The Pearly Gatez

« on: May 20, 2005, 02:47:26 PM »

The New World Trade Centre:



..........

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven.
There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No?
St. Peter told him that's bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No?
St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No?
St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her
surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving
her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down,
fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet.
I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable,
cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.

................

Three friends die in a car accident, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say.......LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!!!!!

.............

The Test. . .

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

102

Hot Traxxx / Daliqz Sampler

« on: May 11, 2005, 11:13:40 AM »

Allright. OK.
For the People like Bootcamp Cliq.
Check it out.

Word...

[attachment deleted by admin]

103

Humour / Jokes / The Best Comeback Line Ever.........

« on: May 03, 2005, 04:23:22 PM »

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day
and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you got to love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all
time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.

104

Media / Studio Buddy

« on: April 07, 2005, 02:13:26 PM »

In just minutes, you can have Studio Buddy right on your desktop, handy for all your recording questions.



http://www.studiobuddy.com/

105

Producers - Discussion / Ruff Ryderz Remix

« on: April 06, 2005, 12:31:00 PM »

Remember the wicked all out collabo of Ruff Ryders with Dmx & his crew back in the day. Just had to put a remix up. I did this with my boi X-Rate.

http://www.soundclick.us/fastkG/10/02/freemp3/daliq+ruffrydersdaliqzremix.mp3

Any feedback would confirm my need to indulge in the stuff Madlib & JayDee induce in, I bet you it ain't tea and biscuits......