I had to be somewhere
edits don't just finish themselves
But I decided to walk into a room, a random spur of the moment decision just to go and see what i could learn in that room
I didn't who would be there or what to expect
I was surprised to see you there which is silly, these are your kinds of spaces
Made me smile inside, I haven't seen you in a very long time.
In fact the last time I saw you, my hair was different, my mindset was unrecognizable but I was wearing this very dress. I haven't worn it in a very long time either
I looked and smiled at the strangers because they acknowledged my presence
You look well, I smile inside again
I want to give you a tight comfy hug I would give to my cute niece
I want to speak to you and ask you about what life is like
Tell you I've missed you and wanted to understand all these years
After this I think, after the formalities, after the knowledge
I listen, take notes, reflect,a**ociate,empathize,wonder,smile, laff
Words are infinite
After
It's the strangers again
they are forthcoming with their pretty earings comments and small talk and so what do you do questions
You are with others, smiling, talking
I try to approach you but my legs freeze
That paralyzed feeling like when I've wanted to call my dad and my heart has not let me
Perhaps it's too late
Perhaps you don't care
Perhaps you'll reject me
a**umptions are dangerous
The strangers have no idea we have any history except for being in that room this afternoon
They give me business cards and say they'll follow up
I'm pre-occupied by you so I'm half listening
I decide in this moment to flee
I still however do not know what exactly happened back then just like with my dad
I asked for an explanation back then but perhaps you still feel I do not deserve one
so I walk out of the room
Out into the sunshine
Heavy heart, conscience calling me coward
