One Nation under hip hop

[The Angry Hand of God]

Found this on Scrape TV:

KIM JONG-IL NOT DEAD, DECLARES NORTH KOREA ONE NATION UNDER HIP-HOP
November 10 2008

Pyongyang, North Korea – With reports of a severe illness having debilitated the North Korean leader, the spin machine in the isolated nation has been working in overdrive. From constant denials to apparently doctored photographs, the government has been doing everything it can to show the world that the ‘Dear Leader’ is alive and well. Now, Kim has appeared on national television to prove he is alive and well, and made a shocking change in the political and social climate of the entire country.kim jong-il hip hop master

“We have long been an isolated country, we have long been at odds with our neighbours and the rest of the world but that all changes today,” said Kim in a speech. “I have taken time in isolation and come to the conclusion that the best way for the Korean people to move forward is through music. North Korea will eschew communism and become a hip-hop nation effective immediately. Bling will be issued to every resident starting tomorrow.”

While few details have been released on how the new government will be organized, one immediate change will be the national anthem. Replacing the decades old anthem will be Afrika Bambaataa’s ‘Looking for the Perfect Beat’ (here) and will play in all government offices and schools starting Monday. A redesign of the flag is also on tap, as well as a top down renovation of the schooling system.

“Children will be taught the way of Hip-Hop. Not only the grand history, but also the culture,” continued Kim. “Children must be taught the path, and through the path they will find freedom. It will take a nation of millions to hold us back from our destiny.”afrika bambaataa

Kim, long an admirer of western culture, has been rumoured to be a lifelong hip-hop fan which in part stemmed from his love of Basketball. In 2000 Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright presented the leader with a basketball signed by Michael Jordan at the conclusion of a summit between the US and North Korea. He also reportedly uses pure silver chopsticks and has a ma**ive fleet of Mercedes Benz S500’s at his disposal, putting him in line with the upper end of American hip-hop culture.

“From what I’ve heard he’s an old school guy. Grandmaster Flash, Bambaataa, Fab Five Freddy, those kinds of guys, apparently though he’s always got Wu-Tang Clan playing on his iPod. Supposedly his guilty pleasure is Lil Wayne and he shuts it off every time someone walks into the room,” said Scrape TV North Korean analyst Lee Joo-Chan. “That’s great and all but I don’t see how you can translate your hobby and musical taste into a political system. George Bush made a diligent effort in turning the US into a nation of country bumpkins but failed. It’s an interesting experiment but one that may be doomed to failure.”

Many are looking to Kim to implement the changes much like his father, Kim Il-sung, did when the North was driven into communism. While the younger Kim has been looked at as more of an eccentric rather than formidable leader, some believe that he may still have some of the drive and smarts that his father had.wu tang north korea logo

“He is a little funny in the head, everyone knows that, but he’s got the same blood coursing through his veins and that may serve him well in the transition,” continued Lee. “But we need to see details. In a nation where millions of people are starving do they really need to be putting money into breakdancing lessons? Military service or turntable lessons? I don’t see how hip-hop culture lends itself to Socialism so it’s going to be a hard time getting people to see their country in a new way. More power to him, but it’s going to be tough. Word.”