Fred Khumalo some real shit!!
Im saying
"It was the effervescent Nigerian evangelist Pastor Chris Oyakhilome in his element, extolling the virtues of his ministry. The greasy haired pastor was on DStv promoting his forthcoming "show", when he will visit South Africa to perform the aforementioned miracles .
I like Pastor Chris - not because I believe his nonsensical ramblings about his ability to perform these miracles; I like his chutzpah.
Only a brilliant performer who knows how to win the minds and hearts of hundreds of thousands of followers not only in his native country, but on the entire continent, can reduce level-headed young men and women to blabbering fools who eat off the palm of his hand. They part with their money willingly as they enrich him. They believe every word that flows, like honey, out of his mouth. He is a brave man. A man who is not afraid of controversy ... or shame.
But what he did over the festive season was over the top - even by the standards of modern-day religious charlatans. Of course, he is no charlatan, our Pastor Chris.
According to Nigerian media, members of his church were asked to part with a thousand naira (about R50) to gain entry into the church for the New Year's service in Lagos. Members who could not afford it were sent home by security men at the gate.
This opened Pastor Chris to criticism by his competitors in this evangelism business. Primate Elijah Ayodele of INRI Evangelical Spiritual Church said: "Such a pastor should be stoned to death or crucified."
Pastor Chris, like some famous fellow "prophets", including Prophet Joshua, also from Nigeria, is riding the crest of a wave of success. In times of distress, political uncertainty, economic strife, people get desperate. They need succour. They need a personage of Pastor Chris's eloquence to transport their minds and hearts to a future that is fecund, full of possibilities. Desperate people want to see here on earth a physical manifestation of their hopes.
In other words, they need short cuts that will take them to God's doorstep. And Pentecostal churches through the ages have always been the quick medium to God's doorstep. Without fail.
Forget that communist cliche about religion being the opium of the ma**es; what I am talking about here is educated, intelligent young people, with their eyes wide open, flocking to churches that promise heaven and earth ... on earth. These are the churches which have no compunction telling you that you can be made rich - if you contribute a tenth of your salary to said church.
One of my wife's friends told me not so long ago that by going to one of these Pentecostal churches, she was not demonstrating her stupidity; she did not believe that her love life would suddenly improve or that she would get rich, thanks to her church attendance record. She said she went to the church because the establishment was her outlet for entertainment.
"Fred," she told me frankly, "I tithe simply because I can afford it. It gives me pleasure and satisfaction to be able to tithe, in as much it gives you pleasure to be able to buy your whisky. You drink because it keeps you relaxed and entertained. I go to the church of my choice for almost the same reason."
That was quite honest and equally profound. But my wife's friend is in the minority, as I have been able to observe over the years. Many people believe that they can "buy" salvation and no one is more articulate on this than pastors in the Pentecostal churches.
When I was in my teens, our township fell under the spell of Pastor Mashicila, who was as smooth as Pastor Chris. Out of nowhere, Pastor Mashicila (or Mfundisi Mashicila, as we preferred to call him) descended on our township and pitched a huge marquee on a piece of unoccupied land, and started preaching. People flocked to "Etendeni" (The Tent), as Mfundisi Mashicila's makeshift establishment came to be called.
We heard of miracles being performed by Mfundisi Mashicila and men and women in his entourage. Hardened criminals from the township were dragged to Etendeni where they genuflected in front of Mfundisi Mashicila and his acolytes, and asked for the good man to pray for them so that they could be saved.
One memorable story - for the people who lived in my neighbourhood, at least - was that of our neighbour, Bab'uMndaweni, who was a famous builder employed by LTA Construction.
In broad daylight, Bab'uMndaweni pushed a wheelbarrow to Etendeni and confessed to the pastor that he had stolen the wheelbarrow, as well as numerous bags of cement, from his employers.
He now wanted to repent. He was in desperate need of salvation.
In a colourful ceremony a few days later, the good pastor and his congregation took a walk to a nearby river, where all goods tainted with sin - including Bab'uMndaweni's wheelbarrow and other misbegotten things - were thrown into the river so the sinners could be cleansed. It was a great story, a major talking point. If the Daily Sun had already been launched at that time, it would have plastered the story on its front page. It was a sensation, the power of this man.
Mashicila had become part of our community, and his marquee a part of the landscape. Imagine the shock and horror when we woke up one day and The Tent had disappeared.
The disappearance of Mfundisi Mashicila and The Tent left a gaping hole in our collective heart. Without Mfundisi Mashicila's preaching and the lovely music that his acolytes made, we were left wanting. But what Mfundisi Mashicila's acolytes left behind were a number of broken-hearted young women and fatherless children - the offspring we later called "Izingane zaseTendeni" (Children from The Tent).
Pastor Chris is coming to South Africa in a few weeks' time - and those who are hungry for hope and redemption, the sinners, the broken-hearted lovers, the unemployed, the sick, the deaf, those who have been disappointed by COPE and the IFP, fans of the bumbling Kaizer Chiefs and the blind are feeding their hearts with hope that Pastor Chris will fill the yawning void in their lives.
I know that when we are sad and desperate, we fall for anything that masquerades as a "solution" to the mysteries of life; we stop thinking critically and intelligently because the storms of life are buffeting us. We are in a vortex, spinning and whirling in confusion.
But, people, let us try to keep our wits about ourselves, for the land is crawling with all manner of false prophets who can only deepen our misery if we are not careful.
I doubt that Pastor Chris is a false prophet. Ah, you must see his avuncular smile. He is just a TV entertainer and dare I suggest he remains on my TV screen, and nowhere near my wallet
http://www.timeslive.co.za/sundaytimes/article881421.ece/Stay-on-my-TV-away-from-my-wallet