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48 glad2beblack 01/07/2010 at 1:59 AM
Give the sisters a break. They worked hard for their status whatever it is. It is better than being loaded down with babies and on welfare waiting for a brother in jail. We are missing the point. We need to become empowered. Black men are weakest link. Attend a college graduation and find out how many brothers are graduating from college. You will be disappointed. Black men have abandon their black women for as long as I could remember for less responsibility. Latino men rarely marry outside of their race. I will guarantee in about 10 years the Latinos will be a force to deal with. The Black men need to stay with their women and raise their children instead of running around acting like johnny apple seed. Don’t hate on the sisters because they are going in the right direction. Black women and Black men are not on the same plane. We are going to pay dearly for that in the future.
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49 Anonymous 01/10/2010 at 3:59 PM
To whomever said family values have eroded…so what if a woman does not want to have children…should she be faulted for that…
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50 SaddenedandConfused 01/10/2010 at 5:45 PM
After reading through all of this, it makes me very sad and confused. I often wonder what the future of black women will be and if it even is an issue. It seems like I am constantly being told by newspapers, magazines, tv shows and the like that I am undesirable, too demanding, too independent. That I have a bad attitude, too many criterion. The list is very long. It’s discouraging to think that there are people who are taking this in as the truth. Black people should know better than anyone the harmful effects of stereotypes. Why are we doing this to one another? Black men, you may think you don’t treat Black women differently, but a lot of you do. You hold us to different standards than women of other races. It simply isn’t fair. Black women, stop focusing on who doesn’t want you and why they don’t want you. Start focusing on who does want you and enjoy the attention. I think if we all took a step back and did some reflection, we would see that we all have some things to work on within ourselves.
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51 noella 01/10/2010 at 11:50 PM
I encourage all successful black women to marry outside their race. It’s ridiculous for you to lower you’re standards just to marry black. Listen to the way black men talk about black women, just on this website alone; it’s disgusting. Stop chasing black men, they don’t deserve us.
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52 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 7:19 AM
Well…I’ve read all the comments and it’s a tuff debate! Black people, all you can do is luv life, luv yourself and your higher power… what ever faith that maybe! I’ve traveled all over the world and I can tell you this… Black men are’nt the only ones that don’t have there shit together!..lol Black woman, do you think dating outside your race is going to increase your odds on finding a successful man? It does’nt!
Black woman, there are so many cultural differences, family influences, and up bringings to consider! When a Black man marries out of his race most of the time the bride has to drop everything she loves to be with this man. Black people have a adopting spirit and most likley that Black man’s family will accept her. This is a pivtal reason why Black men find it so easy to marry,date, have sexual partners out side there race. Black woman, do you think other races are accepting as ours? NO!! Are you willing to give up everything you luv culturally to be with this other race? NO!!! And from what I’ve noticed around the world, most men stick with there own race. So let’s get it straight!! As far as the number are consernded,hopping the fence is not going to solve your marrital problems. Yeah, having standards is not a bad thing!!..lol
Black woman you must undestand the breakdown of the Black family was stratigic! We are all victoms of this emperialistic, muderist , racist goverment. I understand your anger, but why don’t you use that anger to vioce to (White) America thier wrongs! Let Black men know you have’nt sold out or worship material thing!! Stop glammourzing unedgucated rapper giving a misogynistic image to our race. Shout out to GOD!! Not your Black man, WHO COULD’NT HEAR YOU ANYWA BECAUSE OF HIS LOSS OF PRIDE AND SELF RESPECT THAT HAS BEEN BEATEN AND BREED OUT OF HIM!! Most black men don’t even understand this fact! Black woman, this is much much deeper than who’s the most accomplished! This is a great tragity that’s been a plan for us since slavery!! No we’re not physical slaves anymore… it’s a new economical slavery! Black woman, if a black man truly believed you cared more about what he read instead of what he drove, he would stop buying 22″rims and start investing in books. BLACK PEOPLE IT’S GOING TO TAKE AN ACT OF GOD, A CHANGE IN OUR AMERICAN CULTURE, A TOTAL REVAMPING OF FAMILY VALUES IN OUR COMMUNITIES WITH BOTH GENDERS! The best way to solve this problem is first come to a complete understanding of why things are the way they are… then we’ll stop blaming each other and learn to love and respect each other.
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53 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 8:02 AM
Black man!!!, You can not have every beautiful woman you see!!
Black man!!, Womanizing is deep inside your subconscious mind. It’s some how your way of self counsil to justify yourself as a respectable productive citician.
Black man!!, Grow a pair and stop complaining about how controlling Black women are!! When police beating and prison bars won’t even controll you!!!
Black man!!, Do you even know how much Black woman wants you?!!!
Black man!!, Black woman are so together with there business because that’s how thier mamas raised them! Do you love your mother Black man?!! Do you love your sister Black man?!!
Black man!!, Black woman or any other race of woman has the right to be proud of her accomplishments!! You should be proud of her as well… Would you like a lazy looser Black woman instead???
Black man!!, Stop hiding yourself from you Black woman… using other races of woman to cloak your ignorance!! No matter how hard you try to hide, Black women know who you are!!
Black man!!, What’s the difference between a Step-N-FetchIt and denouncing your Black woman? NOTHING!!!
Black man!!, Black woman don’t act like the rest of the races of woman don’t exspect them to!!!
Black man!!, Black woman are so hard on you because you are not hard enough on yourself!!
Black People!! There’s nothing wrong with marring outside your race just make sure it out of love….. not to replace.
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54 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 8:45 AM
Ok!! I”m done with this topic!!!! Now I must leave you all and spend some quality time with my DROP DEAD GORGEOUS…. BROWN BUNNY…..FILLIPINO,WIFE…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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55 Saddenedandconfused 01/12/2010 at 4:57 PM
Brotha Ka**ius…I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my students: No one is going to take you seriously with all of those spelling and grammar mistakes. I don’t even care what you’re talking about because I’m distracted by all the errors…
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56 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 9:57 PM
Well I fell sorry for you that you’re so analytical that you loss the message.
Can’t speak to everybody.
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57 CandiedChestnut 01/17/2010 at 12:00 AM
Well, I’m a black single woman but I have never been good at relationships. I have problems emotionally connecting and trusting and I really don’t think I could ever sustain a relationship toward the level of marriage, simply because I don’t have the ability. Also, I think black women have to work on a lot of things like their physical attractiveness and overall level of elegance. They are seriously lacking in both areas. Many have let themselves go tremendously in terms of weight and overall grooming. Also, not many are sophisticated and that is very unattractive. I don’t care if you don’t see many other women who are elegant. You need to have the very best foot forward. Don’t follow, take the lead. Also, I think only looking to attract one type of man, puts them at a disservice. Aim for Harvard and if you end up at Stanford, it’s not so bad. Meaning, aim to attract the very best, affluent, high-cla** men. When you do this, most other men find you very attractive too. I’ve noticed this myself. You need to study how to do this because it takes a lot of grooming, strong social skills, intellect, and a good fashion sense, but it is worth it. Naomi Campbell isn’t dating a prominent billionaire from acting and looking like Tawanda from the block. Do not listen to men who tell you that a high quality man will never want you. That is what they say to control you from reaching for the best and getting what you truly deserve. In addition, stop focusing so much on being validated by men, this will never happen. Men don’t value you unless you prove someone to be valued. Asking why and obsessing over it won’t change the situation. Just become a woman of YOUR dreams. As much as I value education, education enhances you but it doesn’t define you.
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58 ataloss 01/27/2010 at 11:10 PM
It seems like alot of people have the same misconception about educated successful black women. I’m not saying that these things don’t hold true for some, maybe alot, but they don’t hold true for all. It bothers me because I know I don’t fall into those categories. My standards aren’t ridiculously high, I’m in no way stuck up or diva-like, I never try to control a man or keep him from being the man, I’m not a prude, I don’t expect someone to make as much or more than me or be in the same field that I am in, I don’t lack beauty or elegance, I don’t limit myself to who I date, I value myself and who I am and yet I am still single. People are always telling me I can have any man I want, guys always rant and rave about how wonderful I am and yet I’m still single. Is it because people are making these a**umptions about me? I don’t know. When you try to do your best and you end up empty handed, what are you to think? Its hard resolving that you may be alone for the rest of your life due to statistics and reading how people view black women, and educated black women, shows how slim a chance there is when so many have that mentality.
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59 Laura 01/30/2010 at 11:20 AM
I’m 28 and single. I love my brothers and really want to marry a black man. I have been single for quite some time and I really don’t know why. I do have 2 college degrees and a decent job, my own place, and car…and I’m just glad to be able to stand on my own two feet. I’m not looking for a man that is wealthy or driving an expensive car or any of that. And I really am not interested in dating an athlete or an entertainer. I just want a good brother, that’s attractive to me, that has his stuff together, and wants to love and be committed. Do I want him to have a job? yes, because it gives him a sense of confidence and it gives him the ability to provide for a family. Do I want him to have a car? Yes, because he needs to be able to get around and go to work without being depedent on other people. But, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy imo. It’s really frustrating. I found a man who had a job (not one he wanted tho), a car, and 2 kids with someone else. He didn’t have a lot of money and he was going to school part time to finish his degree. I LOVED that man. LOVED him. And he said he loved me too. I did everything I could to support and appreciate him, but he said he didn’t feel ready to commit to a relationship because his life wasn’t in the right place and he was under too much pressure. Now he has lost his job recently. I guess the frustrating thing for me, is that I was willing to ride with him through everything…the drama with his baby’s mom, the financial struggles, all of it. I loved him regardless, but he didn’t feel ready. So what does a good “successful” black woman do, when she loves a good black man, but he doesn’t feel successful enough to be with her? Myself and 2 of my best friends have experienced this exact same phenomenon…any advice?
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60 OMG! 02/12/2010 at 1:01 PM
Um…Define “Successful”, please. Everybody here keeps describing themselves as “successful” because they have degrees but really, having a couple of degrees is just average-commonplace these days.
Anyway, why don’t you date some younger guys who don’t place so much emphasis on youth/beauty but seek emotional stability or a grounded & monogomous (sp?) relationship? Males reach their sexual peak in their 20’s & women in their 30’s and on. If you just want to love and be loved and not so much the material things men your ages or older might be able to give you then younger guys might just be another option. Plus they usually look a helluva lot better. That’s why men go for younger females. Also maybe try another race/nationality. Open yourselves up on all fronts?
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61 Gimme a Break 02/13/2010 at 7:33 AM
It’s not about color, race, degrees, gays or any other garbage being debated here. It’s about aligning in your social caste. Once you get past the sex, a relationship needs a common foundation of education, experience, goals, perspective, intellect, humor and more. If you’re not aligned equally you can’t go anywhere. Successful women are attractive as HELL to me! But I’m the very rare guy who is not intimidated by them. My ego doesn’t get in the way. I love the fact that they are career drivers and strive for perfection. They won’t settle for less than they deserve. They can hold an intelligent conversation at dinner. They have strong opinions but they can back it up with facts, not emotion. They can argue their point succinctly and have the vocabulary to express their thoughts. Most guys just can’t handle this and you’re probably here, defending yourself right now saying “You women this…” blah blah blah. You get what you settle for in life.