welcome..hope you register.
the problem i find in your script is you use the word like..like too many times..like dude that like..a bit like distracting like..like similies are like very like easy to use but experiment more with metaphors, word a**osiation, other figures of speech...do not compromise yourstyle which i think is tight by feeling the need to use the word like too many times i can hear what you are sayin..but practise different forms of expression other than the similie using like
like for example peep this
yes i spitt deadly like anthrax/
leavin you dizzy like mandrax/
just like the proffesor i know the facts/
that hip hop needs to loose all these wack cats/
walking over wack emcees like door mats/
6 bars alll with like in them..the crowd will see this as lazy rhyming and call it wack look into something like
the terrorist always spreading your local with anthrax/
to stupid cows drowzy off my dope vocal mandrax/
i´m no a teacher i am the proffesor who knows all the facts/
this is hip hop, dog, we don´t need all these cats/
walking over and rubbin my sole on you like door mats/
i have sed what you sed..everyone can say it..what makes you a dope mc is saying in a clever way..
i´ma break it down somemore..
the terrorist always spreading your local with anthrax/
to stupid cows drowzy off my dope vocal mandrax/
these two bars have multiple sylabic rhyming...at the end..like "local with antrax" rhymes with "vocal mandrax"..also in between ..cows and drow..zy is another mutlisylabic rhyme in between your bars and when you say those two bars your flow sounds hot, fresh and not bland...
i´m no a teacher i am the proffesor who knows all the facts/
this is hip hop, dog, we don´t need all these cats/
walking over and rubbin my sole on you like door mats/
then the last three bars
i´m no a teacher i am the proffesor who knows all the facts/
this is hip hop, dog, we don´t need all these cats/
walking over and rubbin my sole on you like door mats/
check it...i used wordplay there...i am not a teacher..as in a person who teaches..your parents, better mc etc...but i word a**osiate with a particular type of teacher..a proffesor who does know all the facts..emphasis + imagrey dope line.
next i i talk with the listerner by sayin..."this is hip hop, "dog"..we don need all these cats...cummon..
nice
i hope you get what i am tryna make you see..that it takes a lot to be an mc..we can all write ..but we need to say it in a clever way..otherwise what is the point...all mcs can and do complain about wack mcs...its nothing new..what will make you fresh is saying f*** wack mcs in a clever innovative way..
hope you can take positive critisism
briCK
halla
8-)
