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Humour / Jokes / Bitch's Brew - Rein in yer slut
« on: March 25, 2007, 05:22:20 PM »
Sisters. advice from Kuli Roberts.
Quote
Rein in yer slut
Monday March 19, 2007 10:13 - (SA)
Married woman, I don’t care what the hell you think of me, but darling, it’s time you used a femidom.
My friend was telling me about a breakfast she’d had with one of your husbands.
He was eager to take her away from the meal and spend the weekend with her and, to my disgust, his choice of car was hers.
It turns out he was too well known for them to take his car on the dirty weekend he’d proposed.
Of course she replied “hell, no!” – but I still have to ask why she was flirting with a married man in the first place.
Why can’t you married women buy leashes for your dogs?
Your men are these sugar daddies everyone is complaining about.
My issue is that these sluts you are married to sleep around with or without condoms and you will inevitably pick up the HI virus from them.
I, too, was married before and being a wife with fat thighs and nipples dripping milk, it’s difficult to tell your husband to use a condom out of the blue.
“How the hell do you tell your husband to save your life without offending him?” my friend asks me.
I have plans to remarry but why should marriage be a death sentence?
I just want the attention, to wear white and see ugly distant relatives giving me gifts I have no use for. Why does it have to entail death?
Sure, the priest says “till death do you part”, but he didn’t mean you have to be killed for the words to make sense.
OK, this is boring.
Here are some tips on getting your man back from Sodom without contracting HIV-Aids.
If you suspect your man is cheating, you are probably right, so try these tips:
First ask him. If he rubs his ear, can’t maintain eye contact, fidgets with anything and can’t answer NO, you know you are right.
Use a femidom. Forget the pill or any other shit given to you by your doctor. Don’t tell your husband.
Confront him and demand regular HIV tests.
When he goes away on trips, secretly stash condoms in his wallet, suitcase, golf bag and jacket pockets.
And tell the hotel to ensure condoms are easily accessible to him.
Invite your husband to care for the dying at your local hospice.
Maybe that will shock him into keeping his little penis in his pants.
Pray out loud. Something like: “Lord, please make my husband faithful. Not for me, but for our children.”
Make sure there’s an audience.
Divorce him.
Retaliate when those family members preach that you should give it to your husband whenever he wants it: “What? Am I a vending machine?”
At least vending machines get paid.
Abstain from sex with your hubby. Yes, it’s hard.
But, hey, it’s easier than trying to count your shingles.
Sex is fabulous.
It’s the most amazing act between three, I mean two, people, but it’s not the only sign of love, so stop revering it.
You can show love without exchanging bodily fluids.
Of course you think I’m mad.
But it is true and you need to be responsible for your kids.
Because as much as your man adores his family, he loves Pussy Allsorts more.
So I reiterate: unless you want to be f***ed, abstain from sex.
Condoms break.
Unfortunately, many of you will have to leave your husbands if you want to live.