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WHAT WAS CEASOR'S FIRST WORDS AFTER HE WAS STABBED BY BRUTUS?
-AAAAAAAAAAARGH OUCH!
(SHAKESPEARE S IS A f***EN LIAR)
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you now....
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful; Intelligent; Ecologist"
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know....
Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know.... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know....Wash, Iron, f***, Etc."
So, just exactly what is a BITCH?
B - BABE
I - IN
T - TOTAL
C - CONTROL OF
H - HERSELF
So ladies, next time somebody calls you a bitch.......
SMILE.........
And say Thank You!
Sizes
9'' - oh shit, pain!
7'' - oh yes, yum!
6'' - oh perfect!
5'' - mmm ok!
4'' - push more!
3'' - is it in? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
' 'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'
'Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband#10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.... God! I miss him!!!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!'
'Good,' said the lawyer, 'but, why?'
'Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!'
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