------------------------------DECEMBER DECLARARTION--------------
It is that time of the year or rather should I say its Duck Season, your either ducking her down in his backseat or ducking from his punches when he finds out.
It’s that time of the year when if she’s unattended for more that 15 minutes she’s fair game
From this day onwards if you did it drunk nobody who knows can ever bring it up
From this day onward the statement "I WAS DRUNK" is considered grounds to drop all charges as it is seen in the same regard as an insanity plea
From this day on you have 25 days to go crazy, you are allowed not to know which day of the week it is EVEN if you are in church and seated in the front, it is ok to have a beer with every meal including breakfast.
From this day onward if he looks at her while she’s in your presence he is immediately to be considered a potential vulture who would readily pounce on your chicken
December 5th marks a day in which men can take 25 days to reflect on their achievements when men can marvel at their greatness and sheer sparkle.
When they can celebrate themselves, on the hard task of being the brains behind running the world (this disscludes BUSH, ZUMA, MOGABE, MOSISILI AND PEOPLE WHO CAN SPEAK AFRIKAANS FLUENTLY) so successfully.
It is a time in which men can loosen up their ties and forget about work (all butt the secretary), when men can just be lazy for 25 days, after achieving so much throughout the year.....having to pour out all your wisdom into Eve.
December 5th says its ok:
that she’s your next-door neighbor,
its ok that she’s a cousin twice removed,
never mind that you were best friends in 4th grade if his mom is checking you out do like the Stiffmeister.
This declaration gives you the right and power to:
Act a fool,
Be an unruly nuisance,
Be a delinquent,
Cause raucous and disturb the peace
As well as to be a menace to society
Have sex in public facilities, which includes elevators, parks and toilets ( at night only)
It also gives the right to void feeling guilty or embarra**ed when you come to a moment of clarity
*In addition it gives you lee-way to moon and or pull zap signs at Pigs at any given time for no reason at all (Please note that this is the only act that does not fall within the protective parameters of the D5D and should said Pig catch you IT is likely to arrest you or kick the shit out of you, also I will deny ever soliciting any influence from my part)
25 days of serious partying and heavy drinking,
25 days in which man is not allowed to use words like responsibility, reliable, accountable and remember.
For the next 25 days no man should:
drink wine or any fruit flavored crap or even alco-pop,
For the next 25 days no man will be home before 1 in the morning,
For the next 25 days man will not eat salad or any form of rabbit food or consume fat-free foods,
For the next 25 days a plate of meet and beer is considered a full meal. NO QUESTIONS.
For the next 25 days it is ok to disappear without a trace for only four days without having to apologies and if you are caught or found out, you need only say "My Bad". No need for reticulated extensive explanations and apologies.
These next 25 days men must be sharp and quick for you only have 5 minutes from the time you see her to make a move.
Take more than 10 minutes to finish a beer 15 minutes to finish a blunt and should not take less than 30 minutes in the first round
Gentlemen I will not lie these next 25 days are only for the fittest and the strongest, where the piss stops are determined by the one with the strongest bladder not the one with the weakest.
For the next 25 days no man should be seen with the same chick at a different party from last week, as a matter of fact said man should be denied access to the given party and his man status will be put up for review or a fine of one case will be paid.
For the next 25 days no man will leave his place of rest without a pack of condoms, emergency airtime and an emergency 40 bucks.
For the next 25 days a man who has not had tang since Monday will not be allowed to share seating privileges or indulge in drinks or conversation with other men
rather said man will spend that time in the sin-bin where he is to think up ways of redeeming himself while the others drink beer that he paid for.
No man will make his bed for the next 25 days.
For the next 25 days your friends bedroom is a pit stop where you can do any of the following change, shower, sleep, shag(this does not apply to your girlfriend or the girl from last week), use his cologne cream, hide blunts. All this with only 5-10 minutes warning prior to your arrival.
For the next 25 days no man will take down a woman’s numbers for if your PIMP game is good enough she’ll call you (this is in consideration to the fact that you might just clog up your phone)
For the next 25 days you WILL NOT pa** a fellow man by who is hitting on a chick without a drink in hand without offering him a drink. (Said man is to return the favor with double the interest)
The pecking order or the rather the hierarchy of importance for the next 25 days is as follows:
Beer, Tang, Blunt. NO QUESTION. (Although if your tang is holding both and is naked the order of execution falls out of question)
***UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will a man pour himself a beer whilst in the presence of Eve
***For the next 25 days COCK BLOCKING will be concidered a crime and a shame of the
highest decree and is the only offence that is PUNISHABLE BY DEATH.
Also this declaration is 100% legal and serves as a get out of jail free card in any Pig station in the SADC region, not only that but if your girlfriend catches you just waive it in her face and she will undoubtedly forgive you. (Please note that this experiment can fail depending on your geographical region)
If your mom arrives and the house is a mess waive it in her face
If your girl walks in, waive it in her face
If you get pulled over by a Pig waive it in his face
If you say something while drunk & the next day you get death stares, waive it in their face
If you scratch or crash with you dads car, run like a mother f***er.
FOR THE NEXT 25 DAYS ANYMAN WHO RAISES A HAND AT EVE WILL BE BEATEN TILL THAT HAND NO LONGER WORKS AND WILL BE SHUN FROM JOINING ANY MAN-CLUB FOR LIFE, HE WILL BE STRIPPED OF THE TITTLE MAN AND WILL BE DENIED ACCESS TO ANY AND ALL PUBS CLUBS PARTIES AND BARS FOR LIFE. ALSO SAID MAN WILL BE REFFERED TO AS 'MAN-BITCH' FROM THE TIME OF ABOVE MENTIONED INCIDENT (SHOULD IT TAKE PLACE)
From this day all PIMPS in training will receive full rights of qualified PIMPS to be able to prove their skill and craft.
Men don’t get 16 days of lets appreciate men (for the the ladies) so myself and the AA have come up with this 25 days of activism.
Yours truly
The 5 star general PIMP
>> MEN THAT READ THIS DECLARATION ARE OBLIGATED TO Pa** IT ON TO FELLOW MEN <<
---------------------------THIS IS THE DECEMBER DECLARATION-----------------
