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Depression...

Thornz · 25 · 4979

Mrs Jones

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I was diagnosed with depression about a month ago, not really manic or anythin, but it's been going on for a bit longer than that.
The thing is I never thought I had a 'problem' until a few anxiety attacks later, throwing up all over the place  :) then I decided to see my doctor.

It's been a bit of an uphill climb for me since I finished my matric in 2006, I won't get into the details but I have reason to believe that this where the stress, uncertainty and shit started settling in. I broke up wid a girlfriend about 6 months ago but that has nothin to do with the depression (I know what ur thinkin) it was on good terms  :)

I've been living this fatigued and 'derealised' reality for a bit now, it's like a side of me is just numb...inanimate, I dunno...like i'm alseep though I'm awake. Doesn't make sense but yeah, on some zombie type shit

I put my studies on hold cuz I couldn't really concerntrate on what I was doing, hell I still can't sometimes.

I really wana see a shrink, or even better, a hypnotist...but their charges r f***in silly, I just finished my prescribed antidepressants today...

anyway..yeah, just wanted to get that off my chest. I know it's incoherent but i just started typing impulsively...I don't expect therapy from yall or anythin, just that most of my friends r already out of town on holiday...and I don't spend time with my family,
just my lil brother...and I'm particularly bored this afternoon, the bottle is not an option...neither is weed so I'mo watch a movie  ;D

thanx for reading, if ur as bored as i am
You can go see a government therapist or you can google organisations that offer psychologist @a reasonable, its normally for people with no medical aid. Personally i'd go for the gov doctor.
All my life I had to fight. I loves Harpo, God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead 'fo I let him beat me.


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I have always wanted to be bipolar, cos that  just sound much better than simply being depressed and weepy. then I can also justify being a bit messed up sometimes.

This is strange coming from the guy thats always playing the role of the macho man on here...

That's the problem, I don't get weepy and shit. I just become withdrawn and feel like smashing someones face in for the smallest shit. I stay this way for days sometimes and I don't go out or mix with people.

Just stay in my room writing or watching cartoons.

sssshhhhhiiittttt... i was gonna live with you.... :o

thornz wat does jesus have to do with your depression????


weneva i feel depressed i pretend to be happy and eventually i am.... mayb u guys shud try it.
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Thornz

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Iyo! thats kinda deep (lol @ bobby miracles)

Is it me or is every second person depressed lately!?

Arggggggghh its quite frustrating knowing that so many men are so 'weak'
i hope your meds help you, but i suggest meditation/a morning chant.

honestly, I don't consider myself a "weak" man...the reason I'm depressed is cuz i was kinda forced 2 grow u quicker than kids
my age at the time, i've had to deal wid all sortsa shi since then- and i wudve been the FIRST person 2 laugh at 'counselling' and therapy cuz that's for sissies...it just didnt seem like me. But sumtyms u get yourself into circumstances u cant get out of n u dont see it comin, but 'anger' and stress soon turn into 'depression'...somehow  ::)

I dont get weepy and all emotional either, I think i just have a bit of an anger problem...I hate gettin frustrated and I get easily
irritated... I'd throw f***in fits and smash shit if i could afford it...that's why i'm investing in a punching bag  8)

@ Pyro- SOO TRUE MAN! bipolar is the truth...it's like a whole new breed of cool- tell people ur depressed and they'll say 'so what? get a girlfriend?'...if ur tell em ur bipolar, ohhh boy...all the bitches wana have a piece of u...plus u have a better excuse for actin like a jacka** so u can really let yaself go!  8)
« Last Edit: December 18, 2008, 06:09:10 PM by thornz »


The Angry Hand of God

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@ Pyro- SOO TRUE MAN! bipolar is the truth...it's like a whole new breed of cool- tell people ur depressed and they'll say 'so what? get a girlfriend?'...if ur tell em ur bipolar, ohhh boy...all the bitches wana have a piece of u...plus u have a better excuse for actin like a jacka** so u can really let yaself go!  8)

finally someone that understands...




cash

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Yo Thornz, hold ya head up man!
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TY-D-CPT-021-NKE

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well when the weed pulls out...im kinda depressed...mmm...ok....maybe im actually just hungry
but i feel depressed...its the weed...but i will still hit it up no matter
what...smoke weed dawg!
« Last Edit: December 19, 2008, 02:07:04 PM by money »
people be juding me by the way that i walk even when i talk they say i got swagger like i be from new york..#print that bitches!


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U kats need to hit the gymn full stop. What's even better than the gymn is swimming, soccer or squash.


You'll feel better in a matter of days.

The feeling only get better as long as you don't chill...
eace means Love

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hey babes,

i suffer from panic attacks. its improved over time. but it can be quite bad for business at times still, makes performances a crisis. it can get hectic. i think just being able to understand ones disposition helps you learn the necessary coping mechanisms.

its not always just feeling sorry for yourself as people seem to easily a**ume. you can be an incredibly strong person and be melancholic in spirit. sometimes its not a question of weakness. its the weight of life and the absence of the kind of environments and support systems that nurture and heal. and sometimes some people drink that away, do drugs, beat their loved ones, neglect themselves. most people arent even at that place where they will admit when something is wrong. but it manifests itself in different ways. i see it as a positive thing that you are able to even say this. let alone to an open forum like this. its not always a safe space. keep talking. just keep talking.

as it remains most days i just dont have energy for the world. the world is too much. and realities of living will so often excercabate that, aggravate it even. i struggle too.

see someone my friend, but someone who works with you. someone who can help you walk the path of your life and help unravel and deal with some of the issues that sit so heavy inside. or just make sure you build the kind of relationships that lighten your soul. surround yourself with the kind of people who are capable of coaxing you out of there and not just for when you go drinking. create what you need. that security, that safety, that patience and understanding - build a life that is solid, that can support you. make healthy choices. take the time when you need to, but also come up for air. this is very important. because otherwise there are enough reasons to stay there inside yourself. never underestimate your ability to get up. focus on developing the capacity to. it requires an immense awareness of self. listen to yourself and be brave enough to cut through the haze and find the source of the heaviness. identify it, so that you can see it as is and not always bring it so into you. its an everyday process and its in the little things. however small the step, it is never insignifcant.
what is the silver lining in your life. there is always still a place that survives, what is that for you. when you cant talk even, find what speaks for you, speaks to you. you must know those things bout yourself, they will help you. if you could have the freedom of release from the things that keep you down, what would it look like. that is still out there for you. never give up on yourself. and in a world of play pretend perfection, dont judge yourself for it either. its okay. infact find a way to use it. pain has a strength. it too is a force. when you can hold it. what is yours.

whatevers happened or what youve been through it may never go away, its just a process of learning to live with it somehow. dont be too hard on yourself, in terms of the winding routes your life has taken through circumstance. we are many many many. and we are still here. life is like this.     

take care of yourself you know. atleast this is something you are aware of, so you own it. awareness creates the possiblities of being able to manage yourself accordingly.

there is love out there yet. it exists.

youre not alone bra.
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I think I might have a breakdown if I don't get away from here.

I haven't been in the best place emotionally for the past few months, and my job is f***ing with me to the point where I wanna kill someone. Add to that some wanker who calls me last night and ruins an otherwise good day by imagining he is in a mafia flick (cos he is Italian) and threatening me and my ex. I promised to pay him a visit next week when I'm in Bloem.

Now these f***s at work aren't interested in what is the most newsworthy story of the day in my opinion, but they would rather be going with some retarded bullshit and shoot mine down.

I really must get the f*** out of here.




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