eh, i kno a few people whove had stix broken in their a**es but lets not get into that.
oh shit im feeling that word o mouf - famous last words joint, it comes back @ least once every six months.
i f***ed mother nature
let her 10 acres spread
for the record my shit is about 85 percent true, the rest is exaggerations so u choose time out last nite was the shit, a great night to stand up to the codes n ethics of backpackerism. u kno the concept right??? if u dont then here goes.
eish i need a beer mumbled a drunken oots after cifering with about 12 dudes round the corner for 30 mins +.step in the bar and begin the theories i have(i honestly do not kno where i got this shit from, but i got it from somewhere) twirlin in my head from my 2 b released book.here is a quick preview
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Backpackerism 101-------------------------------
when u step in the club, do a concious "pimp walk" if u will. imagine p-diddy meets farrakhan with a very grimy looking facial expression. a lil limp will look cool, never over limp because it becomes too fancy. limp like u dont wanna limp but ur limpin anyway, that adds a very "real" effect to the walk.
go over to the barman, look him dead in the eye n say sum shit like.
"cho glozi, Be ngi cleli biya ya se black laybolo" - if u are of melenin pigment
"chali! zamalek daaar" - if u are lacking in melanin and
"braaaaaaa, black juice ek se" - if ur are in between.
make sure ur voice is very deep n scary, think d-bo after sum stroh rum 80.
once ur beer is in ur hand then u parambulate(notice how the diction changes) towards ur inebriated entourage of hooded/baggy jeaned brethren n begin to jerk back n forward throwing the occasional fist or scream, "this is a brain ma**age!" in the middle of joints while u simultaneously listening to the dj and what track hes goin to play next.if u recodnise the joint u are either goin to
a) look upset shake ur head and constantly mutter propostrous while killa cam is talking about his boys or
b) pretend u are extremely drunk and actually not feel guilty bout liking the song for sum ungodly reason.
of course if u r drunk u will choose b coz really, WHO GIVES A f***
IF U CHOSE B, CONTINUE READING. IF NOT, STOP.Now most of those that chose B and are equally as handsome as the afronaut will realise the small group of caucasian and coloured women that are right in front of you(did i mention that this applies mainly to when u r in a club/bar full of "free" hippie like caucasian, coloured, black women i.e. tokyo star, colour bar, 88, timeout, 115 spots) that are dancing really off beat but still looking u and ur crew dead in the eye like "i want to gobble ur warrior" and striking poses for u.
if u think of doin anything with them, the most for now is make eye contact. why? u ask. a backpacker will never ever step to the opposite sex while dancing to hip hop. hip hop is a music form that requires one to travel psychedelically to another peninsula, not a majaivana art form for pansulas.
so me n the tweleve bretheren are busy chillin while half the women in the bar literally size us up. now it started lookin real gay after a while all the blonds and brunettes n weaves coming up to niggaz like
i heard u freestyle, ur so good, u reming me of eminem in 8 mile
nigga be like
(dont forget the d-bo voice)
what?? i dont even like eminem, im hurt now.....and nigga storm off like a hunney jus broke up wit him.
is there an end to the madness? a cure for the ignorance? i hope there is?imean by now cats shud understand. waddy made it allright to f*** groupies n fans now cats go n spit on his stance.shameful
back to the story
so im standing back there n mandy, this fit netball playing brunette decides to smooth up to the nigger and quite honestly i dont like dancing so i tell her we can go outside and talk. being the smooth gent i n i iz, i decide to give her my coat(u know, just to keep her round til i can slip in the suggestion to exchange bodily fluids)
she smiles
"ootz ur sooo sweet"
u kno the fro is on sum
"i kno, i kno no need to let me kno.whooo girl u look like an american pie!!"
she smiles(dumb bitch, give me ur beer n u will taste my eye gene)
"oh hehehehe u can dance i saw u"
so the naut on sum
"no, u did not, it is called a muscle spasm reaction"
she bursts out laughing, it was one of those u wundered if it was real or not
"ur so funny, hahahahah"
now since im on a roll
"yeah, im really funny, my momma thinx so too, funny my middle name.................................................................................................................................................................................................................five minutes later
Ootz, u can have my beer. i think rachel is calling me. c u later
pa**es the beer and shuffles into the bar(bitch)
now im contemplating suicide like
IF THIS WAS WHOZOO, ID HAVE HER DOIN FLARES ON MY MONSTER.
when i told the comitee, they made it clear the were not happy with my stupid backpacker mentality and that i must hang with crazy lu more so i can get tips on pimping.
