MEMOIRS OF AN ALCOHOLIC

[MOFF G]

so u think ure funny....lol

[1kind]

Lol. Man AA this thread is perfect for us alcoholics who are not ready to attend the AA meetings that force us to quit against our will. Your stories hit home in so many ways man. I think we should all tell our stories and invite each other to share the same 'drinking holes', so that we'll experience the fun times together.

[Alcohol Abuser]

"You see m'chana I'm not the one to look for trouble but trouble seem to seek me" those were the last words my uncle said to me before the mishap.  I knocked off my usual time from work and decided to go visit my uncle Nsizwa whom I haven;t seen in a while. In my culture missing another male will get you into trouble as it is not considered manly enough, so I make an excuse when meeting my uncle by saying the reason for my visit is that I'm considering doing my annual ancestral ritual and he should first know as he's an older uncle.  "I'm the blacksheep of this family m'chana even your mother and other uncles will spit on the ground if they ever see you conversing with me about this matters" said my uncle, ignoring my uncle usual "family politics moanings" I decide to buy him his favourite brew and mine knowing well that it will subdue his sense of "family politics analogy".  We catch up on variety of topics with a lough there and there...until the brew leads to uncle's verbal diarhoea(that's why I call his brew laxatives). Diarhoeea's effects depends on how much my uncle drank and today he had a bit too much and that as always can cause problems.  Uncle's friend Oom Thabo goes pa** by and greet us, instead of my uncle's polite greeting in return he(uncle) tells Oom Thabo to go f*** himself.  Thabo does not take kindly to my uncle's reply and decides to hurl back his best diarhoe(ic) response by calling out Thabo's mother(read my grandmother)'s genitalia.  I tried to mediate but It's too late as the old men are already grabbing each other's not so rigid necks. unimpressed Oom Thabo tells me that i'm biased in this whole thing and he immidiately swings his 2litre mqombothi towards me, I duck not raealising the old man's knee reflexes are still intact. The impact of the Oom Thabo's knee and my face is something my pen nor pad can describe.  Loud laughs from pa**ersby and sudden bystanders made me wish my intimate embrace with the ground seem forever.  I wouldn't wish this embara**ment of being beaten by and old alcoholic even on Rama.  I guess I never look for trouble but alcohol seems to hand me trouble on a platinum platter.

[the panic!]

 

nice. funny shit, AA.

have you read Dugmore Boetie's "Familiarity is the Kingdom of the Lost"?

this is it, my dude. you gonna really love it if you haven't peeped it. more than Can Themba, even. actually i can't even describe it right, now.

here's a link to it on Google Books: http://tiny.cc/8Emc2

note: that's just a story, there's an actual book he published, with the same title, his only one (and it's incomplete, but brilliant!). they literally had to force the dude to write. he would ask for advances and then go brew the money, chucking the manuscript under his bed . but they knew he was a bit of a genius so they pleaded with him. it's literally one of the funniest, most vivid, well-written, clever and action-packed SA novels i've ever read. your writing reminds me of that book. the drinking, the humourous anecdotes, the familiar voice, the quirky chracters and of course, the beatings, the beatings, the beatings .

[Talentless]

It's too bad I don't have any fun drinking stories. When I drink too much, like waaay to much, I just throw up an get kicked out the joint. Not a very interesting story is it?