Gender Woes
John Lennon has a song called “Woman is the nigger of the world” released in 1972. Looking around, things haven’t changed much.
Take this incident with a colleague at work a few weeks ago. I was at one end of the room and he wanted to say something to me. He motioned me with his head, tilting it to the side, meaning e tla kwano. I pretend not to notice that he was signalling to me. Why should I have to go to where he is, when he is the one who wants something from me? Why can’t he walk over to me? ...then without moving as little as an inch he whistled and added, hey S, tla hier!
I decided to walk out of the room fast as I could at that moment, else I would have ended up slapping him. I heard him giggling and calling me a feminist to the other colleagues left in the room.
In my experience both in personal life and at work, I find that generally most men have a very entitled attitude in the presence of women and when other men are bearing witness. I’m a man, you are a woman. Play your position. Dish out for me, clear up after me. You exist to serve and please me. You should be subservient to me. It's a given. No question.
I would like to understand where this lack of respect comes from. Why is it that men feel they may treat us and address us in any way they please? This particular colleague does this type of thing with all the women including and more senior personnel. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.
I used to date a guy who once said something along the lines of, “when you are around, I don’t worry about anything in the house. I know you’ve got it covered”
I guess he meant it as a compliment but the way it made me feel was nothing near flattered.
We women wear many hats and can brag about being able to juggle 10 things at once as if we related to the Octopus.
We multi-task happily taking chore after chore in our stride with the attitude of if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.
Now, I’m not saying all men sit back and read the paper while their ladies are barefoot and worrying about her late period in the kitchen. I know responsible men who go the extra mile to show their partner that they take equal responsibility for all aspects the relationship. However this isn’t the common scenario in most households.
I strongly believe that our roles as human beings are intrinsic by nature. Caveman provided and cave woman nurtured. I find that most men today perpetuate stereotypical gender roles to get away with doing very little/having less responsibility as a whole.
Women have had a raw deal for a while. Restricted negotiation powers (be it our demure physical stature, societal expectations..what have you) have meant we’ve had to accept that the enormous responsibility of taking care of the holistic needs family rests on us.
Women’s “emancipation “ did little to change this tipped scale. Economic factors, absent fathers, women’s lib gave us the opportunity to enter the professional working world and escape the boredom of the daily routine of house chores, soapies and gossip. We have been contributing to the household income but the task of making sure dinner is served and the children have what they need for school tomorrow still rests on us. Whether it is directly by us having to do it ourselves after a full day at work or making sure a cousin from the village or a helper is at hand to do it properly.
What am trying to say is, where are the good old family values on which we used to rely? No really...I would like some answers. What’s going on? Where do these perceptions stem from and why do we let them prevail?
