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Why Successful Black Women dont Get Married

A pimp named Sarkozy

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I just remembered this Video piece below !! after what happened at work this afternoon.
SMH!! @ These broads nc nc nc nc nc nc nc nc. These broads at work are all grown a** n single and they say they will never respect a guy without a car,they need a hero not a guy below their status level smh!!! im not giving no bitch from work  a lift today
Anyway if you cant watch Youtube,you can view the comments pasted below link!

ENJOY!!

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 2 aleis 12/28/2009 at 2:01 PM
naw, successful women seem to think, the way i rise in corporate america will help me rise in a relationship. so they try to manage they men.
but…most men aint having that.
yeah you can manage the house but not me!
you work WITH me. dont try to be my boss.

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 4 Jasmine 03/19/2010 at 10:59 AM
No, that’s silly. It’s different for women. Successful women tend to marry up (or equal), not down. The more successful you are (for any race) the less options you’ll have. Plus, if you limit yourself to only dating inside your race, then your options become less and less. Black women should stop being so loyal to dating only inside their race and go outside the black community. There are plenty of men out there, you just have to open your options.
But the stats are still distrubing.

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 5 1914inches 12/28/2009 at 2:10 PM
Aleis, you on the money brutha. This is also because there are more black females graduating from college then black men. its like 3:1.

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 6 Uh-OH! 12/28/2009 at 2:13 PM
Most of these “successful” black women are not really looking for a man until it’s too late. The first thing these type of women usually talk about when you meet them is their degrees, their job status and how a man can’t handle their “success” .They don’t know how to be women anymore, because they’re too worried about being “Successful”. There is nothing wrong with having ambition and goals, however, your success shouldn’t define who you are. There are plenty of good black men available but they’re too short, too ugly, too poor, or not thuggish enough. The good black men are shunned by these type women in colleges, because they are all chasing the basketball and football players. None of these women would have given Barrack Obama a chance when he was a poor college student, because they were too busy chasing the wrong men. When they hit age 30 they go looking for those same black men and they’re usually married to white woman. I am married to a black woman whom I love dearly and these are my observations from watching her single friends for the last 10+ years. They pa** over so many good black men, yet they still complain……

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 7 Chun 12/28/2009 at 2:43 PM
Uh-OH has a point!

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 8 E 12/28/2009 at 4:13 PM
uh-OH has a point, but the issue is so convoluted I think it’s unfair to say that it’s only one thing. I’m a 25 yr old woman, attractive, getting my MA. I have made sure to give my attention to those men who may be overlooked, I don’t chase the athletes/entertainers bc I’ve been down that road and I know they are not marriage material. When I date the “good guys” they are still out there chasing tail like the next man! Black men and women are silently at war, both parties are pointing the finger at the other side, but no one is taking personal responsibility. Black women need to rearrange our priorities when it comes to what we look for in men, and Black men…well the list for improvements with them is too long to mention.

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 9 Kiss 12/29/2009 at 7:53 AM
Ooooh! I too agree with this comment and I’m in the same age bracket as you. And being a successful black woman, I made it a point to make certain decisions for myself. Now that I am established and more settled than most women my age and older, I find myself and other like me single. Most of the BM we date wonder why we’re still single because of all of the good qualities we posses, but are afraid to committ. These days guys don’t even want to date, let alone get married. But if you want to screw, they’re so clear and articulate. Ask them about their future or what they have to offer a woman like me (not material things) and they get tongue tied. Men need to rearrange their priorities as well. I’ve done what I have to do, now finding a mate to meet me or who has met me half way is the problem. Whether its a professional or a street dude, they still out chasing tale (I agree with this too) and the sad thing is that most of these guys are older than me! I meet more GROWN men who act like they are 21 and in their prime when in reality they’re SO not. I just think at some point, men and women need to grow up.

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 10 TreyPound 12/29/2009 at 1:21 PM
I know I’m going to comment again down the line. f*** your MA! I got a couple of MA’s and some BA’s, I won’t get specific, but I am still very down to earth. Them degrees you chicks got don’t mean shiyt. Why, because you are more likely than a black male to be hired. Why, because an employed black woman is guaranteed to make at least 2 people miserable. You (see article) and us (look out the window). Black men can get every last MA and be stuffy and looking like Tiger Woods, we still going to get discriminated against and fired, and be on TV talking about “I have the willingness to pay my mortgage, it is just ability that is affected right now”. I’m glad this madness is finely coming to light and it sucks because I need subtitles for the shiyt, but I know exactly what is being said.


 11 Reginald Kaigler 02/28/2010 at 12:12 AM
Trey,

Thank you for saying what we black men were all thinking. Who cares about the MA?


 12 Reginald Kaigler 02/28/2010 at 12:07 AM
This is what I’ve been trying to say for years. Too many black women overlook good guys.

I even did a video on it.



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 13 Face in the mirror 11/27/2010 at 4:06 PM
Not all black women are like this.

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 14 Anti-believer 12/28/2009 at 3:42 PM
PEOPLE….. WHO SAID U HAD TO GET MARRIED?

WHAT DOES MARRIAGE SOLVE???


A pimp named Sarkozy

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2000 words limit,let me continue!!!!


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 15 E 12/28/2009 at 4:19 PM
Marriage doesn’t “solve” anything, but the point is that being in a healthy, committed, long lasting relationship is a goal that many Black women cannot attain. I have close friends of all ethnic backgrounds, yet all of my Black girlfriends have had stories of being abused, mistreated, overlooked, and cheated on, while very few of my non Black friends have had the same experience. The issue isn’t marriage per se, it’s what is happening to Black women and why?

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 16 Anti-believer 12/28/2009 at 7:24 PM
Date other races. GEEZ

PROBLEM SOLVED!

(SIGH) Black women….

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 17 jam 02/20/2010 at 2:34 PM
true. they should date other races. black women who are waiting for black men CHOOSE to be lonely. i dont give a f*** about the lonely mother f***ers.black men wouldve dated out in a heartbeat. yet, these dumb black women still want and are waiting for black men. to hell with that! all my friends are with whtie guys now. lol. this is up to these women. they want to be lonely, so be it.

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 18 Face in the mirror 11/27/2010 at 4:07 PM
It’s not true that black women don’t want to date outside their race. The truth is that they are not pursued to the extent women of other races are. Men of other races would not ask for their phone numbers as quickly as they would ask women of other races. This has nothing to do with attitudes of black women. Black men should stop using that as an excuse. The truth is they don’t find black women as attractive. Even though your hair is naturally shoulder blade length, you’re slim & toned, nice attitude & ways, educated, church going, a virgin or only been with one man, black men will find an excuse an I believe we have to admit the hard to face truth. Black men do not find black women attractive or advantageous to their advancement in society.

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 19 nina 12/28/2009 at 4:19 PM
i agree with crosby there are allot of gay men to shift thru, that and the fact that MOST black women dont date outside of there race but white men/women and black men love to date outside there race, maybe we should start looking else where our “strong black men” are looking tired and raggy.

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 20 nika 12/28/2009 at 5:47 PM
I agree…alot of black women only want to marry black men. I’m not saying that there aren’t any good black men out there because there are but more black women should become more open and consider men of all races and backgrounds.

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 21 MBA 12/28/2009 at 4:37 PM
Uh-Oh, that’s actually rather true. When it comes to black women of power (in general, this isn’t to say all), they consciously and others may subconsciously pose an intellectual and financial threat for men…especially men who aren’t in the same tax bracket or career standing. To her, worth lies in going against the grain of traditional societal norms (go to school, get married before or after you begin a career, have children). She feels if she in anyway alters the new path she has chosen (go to school, get a career, advance), the alteration would hinder her upwards movement at her current company. If a guy gets a woman pregnant, he can and still goes to work each day during the nine months and after the birth.

On the other hand, if a woman becomes pregnant, she usually doesn’t work after a period of time and once the baby is born, she goes on maternity leave. She fears the time away may also hinder her career, so career-minded women view marriage as the very last step as opposed to others who consider marriage to be the next step once school is complete.

We then have what most call the superiority complex. She begins to believe she’s better than all men…regardless of race. She doesn’t think any man can be on her level because when it comes to a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is, “what can he do for me?” In reality a relationship should be a team and the thought instead should be, “what can WE do for one another?” His personality traits and his current position in life become clear to her as a job application so she treats relationships as she does a career. She’ll then pa** men through an interview process and eventually comes to believe she doesn’t need/want a man. “With everything I’ve accomplished on my own, what can a man do for me?” There isn’t anything wrong with setting standards but there’s a rather thin line between standards and believing no one is good enough. There are hundreds of millions of men in the US…you can find someone madame. The moment a woman believes she doesn’t need/want a man, having a relationship becomes minimal on her “to do” list.

The idea that there’s a shortage of straight black men is plausible at best. Besides, if that’s the horrible belief black women possess…God didn’t only create one “race.” You can easily branch outwards. Happiness knows no color bound.

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 22 Oshanae 12/28/2009 at 6:13 PM
I am a single black women and they say are standards are to high and we should lower them, I wouldnt say lower them but compromise. Okay i have nothing against interacial dating i am for it when it comes to me. But not all black women are and they should not be chastise for it becuase they dont want to date outside their race why should they have to. Not all of us are chasing the athletes and rappers. Overall as a black woman i do feel we need to make adjustments to our selves but our men need to make them too.

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 23 Ladee 12/28/2009 at 7:31 PM
Oy vey…not this shit again. It’s your fault, NO it’s YOUR fault….smh

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 24 AcrossThePond 12/28/2009 at 7:41 PM
Funny how these same issues are troubling black women over here in Amsterdam. How (succesfull) black women can’t seem to get a good man and how a good man can’t find a black woman period. this is some international BS

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 25 mrsmac 12/28/2009 at 8:49 PM
Successful Black women tend to have a lot on their plates. Being a married woman, I cannot speak on how it is to be a black woman out there trying to find a husband. I will tell you what I do see. I watch my single girlfriends and listen to their dating woes. At the end of the day, most of them are not willing to compromise at all. And most don’t seem to realize that successful relationships are all about compromise. I have a girlfriend who will not date a man who does not have a nice car, and his own place (no roommates), because she has a nice car and her own place…. well guess what? She’s still single. “He has to have what I have or more” and “I’m fine so my man has to be fine” are her favorite catch phrases. As a result she either ends up with no date or dating guys who are in such high demand, that they have no desire to be faithful.

When I met my husband, I thought he was decent to look at; but no one would call him a stunner, but he has a smile that makes you feel like the sun just came out. He had a great personality, but no pot to piss in, no window to throw it out of. He was a struggling college student, working two jobs. Like most women I had a little checklist, and he only met 3 of the 10 requirements. But he loved me. He was the first man I ever dated. I knew right away that he was MY man and I married him at 19. People told me I was crazy and would regret it, but I have not had a day that I have not been happy with this man. He wanted a wife who was willing to be a homemaker and many of my friends and family members thought this was so old fashioned and that he would keep me from growing. I was in college on a full scholarship, they were telling me it would be crazy to throw that away. We compromised, and it worked. 11 years later, we are still married and still happy. I am a stay at home wife with a MFA and a flourishing home business. His dinner is on the table at 6 every night, and I am still successful in my own right….compromise. We are expecting our first baby in 2010. So when my friends say there are no good men out there, I tell them to keep the faith. There are black men out there who want to be married. You just have to keep your eyes open in a real world kind of way; You may have to choose marriage over one of your other life goals, or rearrange them on your priority list. When you find the right man, work to build your relationship. Be willing to work together and compromise so you are both happy. I would also say keep your options open when it comes to dating outside of your race since there are not enough eligible brothers to go around.

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 26 Thinker 12/30/2009 at 5:39 PM
Congrats to you Mrsmac. You made good points. I married at 20 and we’re approaching 20 years. People told me the same thing. He was Army. After he got out he took whatever job he could and went to it everyday with his head high. He was making $7 an hour. I was making more than him at the time.

The stories about your girlfriends sound like mine. They are not willing to compromise. It’s a selfish mentality and I hope black women start to do different. There are many reasons why black women aren’t getting married and this is one of them.

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 27 Jasmine 03/19/2010 at 11:15 AM
Hey,
This all seems very interesting. I am 23, a college graduate, black ( about to start an MBA program), and living in another country. I use to think I could wait for love and focus on my career, but with time I discovered you could do a bit of both, if you are willing to compromise. Now, i’m open to more than just a “good time” but rather a guy who could make me happy, is around my age, and has some life ambitions. Together we can build something. The problem is, a lot of black women do not have examples of successful, happily married, black women. Rather, I look at the last 4 generations of women in my family and they are all single, divorced, some successful, some not. I just don’t want that. I see single older women struggle everyday making over 6 figures and still unhappy. I could take some advice from people like yourselves. I’m open to dating outside my race (have been since my first boyfriend) and I appreciate the honesty here. I’m currently in a very new relationship and this guy makes me happy in every way (cloud 9 effect) and for the first time in my life- i’m ready to see things outside of my career goals and more inside what will make me happy.

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 28 teena 12/28/2009 at 9:08 PM
i have the same problems. my standards are too high and i wont settle and im 22 and mexican. i dont think race has to deal with it, its about the person and what they think is best for them…

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 29 linnaye 12/28/2009 at 9:30 PM
Both sexes play a role in this trend. I really believe that the rate of single mother’s raising young boys to be men plays a great role in how our black men and women identify relationships, marriage and commitment. Many late 20-30 yr olds like myself were raised in single parent homes, most men i meet, also raised in single parent homes…in both cases…MEN were missing, Father’s were missing, husbands were missing… its a generational issue as well as the fact that women are trying to raise Men…for women…and failing. You cant raise a man, if your not one. You can only mimic and try to guide them in the right direction…So most of these men & women are infact dealing with issues stemming from what they saw as relationships in their parents lives. (mind you most of our grandparents and great grands were married) so this does signify that MEN overall play a bigger part in this than they are willing to admit….as many good men, bad men that are out there…how they view black women, thier mothers, and fathers, affects how they view relationships on a whole.

I believe Most women saw their mothers struggle… so of course financial stability, education etc, is big thing because they fear they may one day be forced to raise kids on their own or have to provide for self. their is no confidence in brothers, ,based on experiences of cheating, random breeding (baby mamas), job instability, homosexualtiy, abuse…there are so many ways to lose a black man….even when you think you have one.

They talk about women in these stories becuase women were raised to SEEK relationships, commitment, ,marriage, they dont give the male perspective because they were taught to go and so oats, breed and by chance if there is a woman “worth” wifing…then commit. (look at the stats) so there is a lot of depth that people need to admit before they go saying this and that about each other…and men..unfortunately in our generation still are unable to take responsibility for their actions and in-actions…denial. As a woman , i know most if not majority of women all want to get married, so i dont doubt weve all lowered our standards and tried but still men at any stage in life just are that focused marriage in this generation..real talk. Black Men..you are becoming the weakest link. but i love you still and cant wait till you understand the plight and help raise your sons for our daughters…problem solved.

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A pimp named Sarkozy

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 30 Elovealways 12/29/2009 at 3:40 PM
I truly agree w/ this comment…you couldn’t have said it ANY Better!! Most women, regardless of race who are single or have men “issues” more then likely have an “issue” w/ their father figure, either absent or tumultous relationship…Men start being there for your children and watch how things change….

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 31 Weekend Lover 12/29/2009 at 12:35 AM
My Mom always say keep your heart and mind open because good men come in all colors and sizes.. As I get older I have been more open to dating people that respect me and treat me like I should be treated..

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 32 chill 12/29/2009 at 5:25 AM
As a black male who works in corporate america I can say that myself and a lot of my black male friends aren’t really looking to settle down. I am 28 years old and my friends range between the ages of 25 and 37, and they go out with all types of women. I personally don’t date outside my race, never have, but my friends do it all the time and some of them even prefer it, not to say that there is anything wrong with that. To be honest, it is hard for me to get into a committed relationship because due to the shortage of successful black men, i see black women jumping at me all the time, i pretty much have my pick. And when I do date corporate woman (particularly ones that work in finance) they seem to have the same bad attitude. For some reason they want you to bow to them or run everything. I love my sistas as much as the next man but the ones who have their shit together don’t tend to have it all up top.
Call it what you want, maybe I haven’t found the right one yet but there is no incentive for me settle down. I’m perfectly fine being single. I’ll have kids and a family one day but not today.

To all of my successful black sistas, i love you and i know it takes hard work to get where you are but, how can you be looking for a relationship with a man, and want to be the man in the relationship at the same time?

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 33 Kiss 12/29/2009 at 3:59 PM
Thank you! I have all my screws… ; )

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 34 Thinker 12/30/2009 at 5:32 PM
Good post Chill. Its nice to hear a man’s point of view. What you describe about you and your friends’ dating patterns make sense. I see more and more men are choosing to date outside their race. I have no problem with that, a good friend of mine has a black husband and I’m not mad, he’s happy after being with a black woman that refused to work with him in the marriage. I like your points about you having your choice and dating corporate black women.

I personally think the whole ’strong black woman’ mentality is a little overplayed. I imagine it’s one reason men are turned off. I bet another reason men are turned off is because women are ‘jumping’ at men too much.

My cousin was dating a woman. She’d been single for a while before meeting him. He wanted a nice lady to settle down with. They dated for a bit but in the end didn’t make it. Why? as he said ’she was too bossy and complained too much’ and ’she didn’t give me a chance to want her’. He could barely make a turn without her as shadow and she wanted to control everything he did. It was too much.

I’d advise black women to read what men have to say about their experiences, there’s truth to it. Your past hurts can shape who you become, try to work to correct those issues you have about who did you wrong.

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 35 Istanbul 03/19/2010 at 11:31 AM
Interesting. You have a point. There are a lot of Black women out there who are bossy. I, sadly, have had the opposite experience. My parent raised me without a father (drug issues) and got into relationship after relationship with controlling and verbally abusive men. I’ve spent my whole life watching black men try to break down my mother’s spirit. This has left a bad taste in my mouth. Even, I found myself in relationships with black men like this. I take responsibility, maybe it’s the men I and my mother chose. But it’s really a two-way street. I’ve seen perfectly acceptable, nice, and successful black men who just were not ready to settle down because they had too many options. But there is something to be said about that. The fact that successful black men are a rare commodity is sad. I date outside my race, have done so since my first boyfriend, and am open to the person not the race.
But as a young and ambitious women, I find men who are equal to me (in the black community) rare. Something needs to be done, on both sides, to advance the black race as a whole. We have so many negative feelings toward each other floating around; that sometimes we can’t see the person from the stereotype.

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 36 Kiss 12/29/2009 at 9:08 AM
Why lower your standards? How about people establish some standards. Having standards isn’t a bad thing as people are trying to make it out to be. If I’m GROWN, and I’m dating, why shouldn’t I expect a guy to have a car, own place, and be gainfully employed. That’s aiming too high? GTFOH! LOL! NEWS FLASH** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THOSE THINGS! And if you don’t, it doesn’t make you a bad person. BUT men and women need to understand, if your OWN foundation isn’t laid, how can you expect to build a life with someone else? That’s just common sense. Why should I feel bad because I made certain decisions to ensure that I had a stable future and I would like someone who has the same mindset? It’s not the fault of others because, someone else chose to do things a different way. The point I’m making is if you don’t have it like that, to date someone just work on yourself. Hell, that’s what we should be doing anyway.

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 37 TreyPound 12/29/2009 at 1:30 PM
Now that gay shit is like this. OFC a faggot is going be able to get into your draws. During the span of courtship, a faggot has infinite patience. Why? Because he’s busy making every penthouse like a scene from Oz. Anybody can get what they really don’t want. You women, you want a man who dresses NICE, who’s face is smooth like yours, who talks soft like you, who makes himself the Aunt Jamima on the job just like you, and NEVER opposes you and you are so shocked that he is a homosexual. Meanwhile, any other nigga that is not like this you won’t give him the time of day and it don’t matter if he is educated. You CAN’T see educated, you educated chicks don’t understand this, education is not shown in your house, clothes, car, or job, if they were, pimps on the street would be the Oracles of this “education” that you speak of.
Education is in your mind, not in the things you have, just like a nice cup of tea or good nutrition, education is WITHIN. There are many people walking around with good nutrition, poor nutrition but you wouldn’t know it, because you can’t see it, only until you go into their refrigerator then you will see it. A true education is the same way, it is a comfort within. It’s not a Benz or business cla** or conferences. And NO, I haven’t seen the clip yet, I don’t need to.

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 38 Kiss 12/29/2009 at 3:56 PM
Trey Pound, why so angry? I don’t know who said you HAD to have a degree in order to be husband material, I think you’re taking certain parts of the conversation and capitalizing on those. It’s not easy for men and it’s not easy for women, but don’t get mad when the women say why it’s not easy for them. Unless YOU ARE a woman, you don’t know what its like for us. As well as for men, us women can’t get mad at your experiences of dating women unless WE ARE DATING WOMEN. I can’t speak for all men, so you can’t speak for all women, as if you REALLY know what I am looking for in a mate. You sound insecure, and you shouldn’t be (i’d like to think)! Because all the characteristics you listed, sound like that would come from a lil girl, not a grown a** woman…like myself, because no where did I mention degrees. Since when did making better decisions for yourself require (doesn’t REQUIRE it, but it can help) a Ph.D, Masters or Bachelor of any kind? If you’re shit aint right, it aint right. You won’t go to a buyer that sells Aston Martin’s if you only have Honda Civic money, would you?! No, and it’s nothing wrong with a Honda Civic! But the problem I see is that SOME men, want the rewards of being treated like a husband should, but they don’t want to put in the work or make the committment, so f*** that. In that case, no I’m not settling. But a hardworking man, who is responsible, faithful and knows what they want, I can work with that..

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 39 Shannon 12/31/2009 at 8:06 PM
I think that you guys are being to analytical. The murder rate and incarceration rate among young black men is astounding. Many black men don’t live long enough to want to be married. It’s not about attitude, education or finances. It’s a simple numbers game. I think you increase your odds by looking for a man that is simply nice to you.

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 40 Shannon 12/31/2009 at 8:07 PM
I apologize for the grammatical error in the last post. I’m a stickler for grammar.

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 41 nelson 01/01/2010 at 1:31 PM
If african american women think marrying out of their race will solve their desparation for marriage they will find out when its late the marrige won’t last and you won’t belong anywhere.Most man and women who have done it their marriage fails due to pressure from family and everyone around you can’t defend your selves everytime.We all love travelling and you can not say you don’t care what people think.That means the rest of your lives you won’t caring.No metter how much you ignore situation there will will be a time where your partner gains weight,looses their job or gets very sick the relationship won’t work out .Interracial marrige is just like being homosexual.Peole have a lot of names for your partner.I fill sorry for african american men and women who are not settling for marriage.There is going to be a time when you need a partner and kids running around the house and that time will be too late.Mercs,bwms come and go but family stays and is pa**ed from one generation to the next.I am not against interracial marriage but statistically speaking it does not work.

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 42 Je'Tara 01/02/2010 at 10:34 PM
The comments on here were awesome. Everyone raised great points. This video gave me mixed feelings. I am gonna do a blog on it but. In ways I agreed with both Steve Harvey and the young ladies. Sometimes we set these ridiculous standards. I know we all have preferences but sometimes God has someone else in mind for us. So 6′5 may not be the most realistic man. But anywho great post even better comments and I will definitely be checking out this blog.

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 43 Rome 01/03/2010 at 1:12 AM
A woman with a career is great..wooptee do, good for you!!! But that’s not an excuse why you fail to start a family. The fact of the matter is that overall family and social values have eroded. Given the opportunity, people demonstrate their real desires and tendencies.

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 44 glad2beblack 01/06/2010 at 12:44 AM
I am a 56 year old black woman who does not regret being single. After being raised in the projects of New Orleans and seeing black women settle for half of loaf rather than a whole, I decided to become financially stable rather than marry an abusive, insecure, and selfish black man. Ladies don’t be so desperate. If you lower your standards, you will not be happy anyway. Remember GOD is in charge. Black women are over whelmly single because they are still the backbone of the race. I believed that if it wasn’t for the black woman we probably would have perished a long time ago.

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 45 Truth 01/06/2010 at 1:33 AM
Payroll specialist? High school counselor? That doesn’t really scream “success” to me. Most “successful” women make themselves out to be more than what they really are when they have relatively average jobs. They’ll buy their little C-cla**, hit the Bebe store and walk around like they’re ballin outta control. The media and the sistahood will have you believing that there is an abundance of highly educated BW making six figure salaries. Most of these “successful” women only have a bachelor’s degree and a decent paying jobs. I guess the term successful is relative.

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 46 TexasGirl 01/06/2010 at 3:42 PM
I agree with many of the points as to why black women are single and the ones who want to find husbands are unable to. However, the one point that must be held in highest regard are the numbers. There simply aren’t enough marrigeable black men out there for the numbers of black women who are interested in marriage. Then of the marriageable black men that ARE out there, many are exercising their options to date whatever race of women suits them. This then reduces the numbers of available black men out there and creates utter chaos in the black dating community. The chaos results of hurt feelings, broken hearts and worse of all man sharing. So since the numbers don’t lies, we as black women MUST expand our dating options to all available men. Perhaps a black man will come along and marry us and we’ll live happily ever after. But, perhaps it won’t so expanding options is a must. There are those out there who will say that men of other races aren’t interested in black women. NOT TRUE! You just need to pay attention!!!!

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 47 Anonymous 01/07/2010 at 1:10 AM
ra** claut…black men have no ambition…thats what they get intimidated by brains and beauty



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 48 glad2beblack 01/07/2010 at 1:59 AM
Give the sisters a break. They worked hard for their status whatever it is. It is better than being loaded down with babies and on welfare waiting for a brother in jail. We are missing the point. We need to become empowered. Black men are weakest link. Attend a college graduation and find out how many brothers are graduating from college. You will be disappointed. Black men have abandon their black women for as long as I could remember for less responsibility. Latino men rarely marry outside of their race. I will guarantee in about 10 years the Latinos will be a force to deal with. The Black men need to stay with their women and raise their children instead of running around acting like johnny apple seed. Don’t hate on the sisters because they are going in the right direction. Black women and Black men are not on the same plane. We are going to pay dearly for that in the future.

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 49 Anonymous 01/10/2010 at 3:59 PM
To whomever said family values have eroded…so what if a woman does not want to have children…should she be faulted for that…

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 50 SaddenedandConfused 01/10/2010 at 5:45 PM
After reading through all of this, it makes me very sad and confused. I often wonder what the future of black women will be and if it even is an issue. It seems like I am constantly being told by newspapers, magazines, tv shows and the like that I am undesirable, too demanding, too independent. That I have a bad attitude, too many criterion. The list is very long. It’s discouraging to think that there are people who are taking this in as the truth. Black people should know better than anyone the harmful effects of stereotypes. Why are we doing this to one another? Black men, you may think you don’t treat Black women differently, but a lot of you do. You hold us to different standards than women of other races. It simply isn’t fair. Black women, stop focusing on who doesn’t want you and why they don’t want you. Start focusing on who does want you and enjoy the attention. I think if we all took a step back and did some reflection, we would see that we all have some things to work on within ourselves.

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 51 noella 01/10/2010 at 11:50 PM
I encourage all successful black women to marry outside their race. It’s ridiculous for you to lower you’re standards just to marry black. Listen to the way black men talk about black women, just on this website alone; it’s disgusting. Stop chasing black men, they don’t deserve us.

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 52 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 7:19 AM
Well…I’ve read all the comments and it’s a tuff debate! Black people, all you can do is luv life, luv yourself and your higher power… what ever faith that maybe! I’ve traveled all over the world and I can tell you this… Black men are’nt the only ones that don’t have there shit together!..lol Black woman, do you think dating outside your race is going to increase your odds on finding a successful man? It does’nt!
Black woman, there are so many cultural differences, family influences, and up bringings to consider! When a Black man marries out of his race most of the time the bride has to drop everything she loves to be with this man. Black people have a adopting spirit and most likley that Black man’s family will accept her. This is a pivtal reason why Black men find it so easy to marry,date, have sexual partners out side there race. Black woman, do you think other races are accepting as ours? NO!! Are you willing to give up everything you luv culturally to be with this other race? NO!!! And from what I’ve noticed around the world, most men stick with there own race. So let’s get it straight!! As far as the number are consernded,hopping the fence is not going to solve your marrital problems. Yeah, having standards is not a bad thing!!..lol
Black woman you must undestand the breakdown of the Black family was stratigic! We are all victoms of this emperialistic, muderist , racist goverment. I understand your anger, but why don’t you use that anger to vioce to (White) America thier wrongs! Let Black men know you have’nt sold out or worship material thing!! Stop glammourzing unedgucated rapper giving a misogynistic image to our race. Shout out to GOD!! Not your Black man, WHO COULD’NT HEAR YOU ANYWA BECAUSE OF HIS LOSS OF PRIDE AND SELF RESPECT THAT HAS BEEN BEATEN AND BREED OUT OF HIM!! Most black men don’t even understand this fact! Black woman, this is much much deeper than who’s the most accomplished! This is a great tragity that’s been a plan for us since slavery!! No we’re not physical slaves anymore… it’s a new economical slavery! Black woman, if a black man truly believed you cared more about what he read instead of what he drove, he would stop buying 22″rims and start investing in books. BLACK PEOPLE IT’S GOING TO TAKE AN ACT OF GOD, A CHANGE IN OUR AMERICAN CULTURE, A TOTAL REVAMPING OF FAMILY VALUES IN OUR COMMUNITIES WITH BOTH GENDERS! The best way to solve this problem is first come to a complete understanding of why things are the way they are… then we’ll stop blaming each other and learn to love and respect each other.

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 53 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 8:02 AM
Black man!!!, You can not have every beautiful woman you see!!
Black man!!, Womanizing is deep inside your subconscious mind. It’s some how your way of self counsil to justify yourself as a respectable productive citician.
Black man!!, Grow a pair and stop complaining about how controlling Black women are!! When police beating and prison bars won’t even controll you!!!
Black man!!, Do you even know how much Black woman wants you?!!!
Black man!!, Black woman are so together with there business because that’s how thier mamas raised them! Do you love your mother Black man?!! Do you love your sister Black man?!!
Black man!!, Black woman or any other race of woman has the right to be proud of her accomplishments!! You should be proud of her as well… Would you like a lazy looser Black woman instead???
Black man!!, Stop hiding yourself from you Black woman… using other races of woman to cloak your ignorance!! No matter how hard you try to hide, Black women know who you are!!
Black man!!, What’s the difference between a Step-N-FetchIt and denouncing your Black woman? NOTHING!!!
Black man!!, Black woman don’t act like the rest of the races of woman don’t exspect them to!!!
Black man!!, Black woman are so hard on you because you are not hard enough on yourself!!
Black People!! There’s nothing wrong with marring outside your race just make sure it out of love….. not to replace.

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 54 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 8:45 AM
Ok!! I”m done with this topic!!!! Now I must leave you all and spend some quality time with my DROP DEAD GORGEOUS…. BROWN BUNNY…..FILLIPINO,WIFE…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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 55 Saddenedandconfused 01/12/2010 at 4:57 PM
Brotha Ka**ius…I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my students: No one is going to take you seriously with all of those spelling and grammar mistakes. I don’t even care what you’re talking about because I’m distracted by all the errors…

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 56 Brotha Ka**ius 01/12/2010 at 9:57 PM
Well I fell sorry for you that you’re so analytical that you loss the message.
Can’t speak to everybody.

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 57 CandiedChestnut 01/17/2010 at 12:00 AM
Well, I’m a black single woman but I have never been good at relationships. I have problems emotionally connecting and trusting and I really don’t think I could ever sustain a relationship toward the level of marriage, simply because I don’t have the ability. Also, I think black women have to work on a lot of things like their physical attractiveness and overall level of elegance. They are seriously lacking in both areas. Many have let themselves go tremendously in terms of weight and overall grooming. Also, not many are sophisticated and that is very unattractive. I don’t care if you don’t see many other women who are elegant. You need to have the very best foot forward. Don’t follow, take the lead. Also, I think only looking to attract one type of man, puts them at a disservice. Aim for Harvard and if you end up at Stanford, it’s not so bad. Meaning, aim to attract the very best, affluent, high-cla** men. When you do this, most other men find you very attractive too. I’ve noticed this myself. You need to study how to do this because it takes a lot of grooming, strong social skills, intellect, and a good fashion sense, but it is worth it. Naomi Campbell isn’t dating a prominent billionaire from acting and looking like Tawanda from the block. Do not listen to men who tell you that a high quality man will never want you. That is what they say to control you from reaching for the best and getting what you truly deserve. In addition, stop focusing so much on being validated by men, this will never happen. Men don’t value you unless you prove someone to be valued. Asking why and obsessing over it won’t change the situation. Just become a woman of YOUR dreams. As much as I value education, education enhances you but it doesn’t define you.

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 58 ataloss 01/27/2010 at 11:10 PM
It seems like alot of people have the same misconception about educated successful black women. I’m not saying that these things don’t hold true for some, maybe alot, but they don’t hold true for all. It bothers me because I know I don’t fall into those categories. My standards aren’t ridiculously high, I’m in no way stuck up or diva-like, I never try to control a man or keep him from being the man, I’m not a prude, I don’t expect someone to make as much or more than me or be in the same field that I am in, I don’t lack beauty or elegance, I don’t limit myself to who I date, I value myself and who I am and yet I am still single. People are always telling me I can have any man I want, guys always rant and rave about how wonderful I am and yet I’m still single. Is it because people are making these a**umptions about me? I don’t know. When you try to do your best and you end up empty handed, what are you to think? Its hard resolving that you may be alone for the rest of your life due to statistics and reading how people view black women, and educated black women, shows how slim a chance there is when so many have that mentality.

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 59 Laura 01/30/2010 at 11:20 AM
I’m 28 and single. I love my brothers and really want to marry a black man. I have been single for quite some time and I really don’t know why. I do have 2 college degrees and a decent job, my own place, and car…and I’m just glad to be able to stand on my own two feet. I’m not looking for a man that is wealthy or driving an expensive car or any of that. And I really am not interested in dating an athlete or an entertainer. I just want a good brother, that’s attractive to me, that has his stuff together, and wants to love and be committed. Do I want him to have a job? yes, because it gives him a sense of confidence and it gives him the ability to provide for a family. Do I want him to have a car? Yes, because he needs to be able to get around and go to work without being depedent on other people. But, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy imo. It’s really frustrating. I found a man who had a job (not one he wanted tho), a car, and 2 kids with someone else. He didn’t have a lot of money and he was going to school part time to finish his degree. I LOVED that man. LOVED him. And he said he loved me too. I did everything I could to support and appreciate him, but he said he didn’t feel ready to commit to a relationship because his life wasn’t in the right place and he was under too much pressure. Now he has lost his job recently. I guess the frustrating thing for me, is that I was willing to ride with him through everything…the drama with his baby’s mom, the financial struggles, all of it. I loved him regardless, but he didn’t feel ready. So what does a good “successful” black woman do, when she loves a good black man, but he doesn’t feel successful enough to be with her? Myself and 2 of my best friends have experienced this exact same phenomenon…any advice?

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 60 OMG! 02/12/2010 at 1:01 PM
Um…Define “Successful”, please. Everybody here keeps describing themselves as “successful” because they have degrees but really, having a couple of degrees is just average-commonplace these days.

Anyway, why don’t you date some younger guys who don’t place so much emphasis on youth/beauty but seek emotional stability or a grounded & monogomous (sp?) relationship? Males reach their sexual peak in their 20’s & women in their 30’s and on. If you just want to love and be loved and not so much the material things men your ages or older might be able to give you then younger guys might just be another option. Plus they usually look a helluva lot better. That’s why men go for younger females. Also maybe try another race/nationality. Open yourselves up on all fronts?

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 61 Gimme a Break 02/13/2010 at 7:33 AM
It’s not about color, race, degrees, gays or any other garbage being debated here. It’s about aligning in your social caste. Once you get past the sex, a relationship needs a common foundation of education, experience, goals, perspective, intellect, humor and more. If you’re not aligned equally you can’t go anywhere. Successful women are attractive as HELL to me! But I’m the very rare guy who is not intimidated by them. My ego doesn’t get in the way. I love the fact that they are career drivers and strive for perfection. They won’t settle for less than they deserve. They can hold an intelligent conversation at dinner. They have strong opinions but they can back it up with facts, not emotion. They can argue their point succinctly and have the vocabulary to express their thoughts. Most guys just can’t handle this and you’re probably here, defending yourself right now saying “You women this…” blah blah blah. You get what you settle for in life.



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 62 JASMINE 03/19/2010 at 11:51 AM
Interesting. I agree. You have to have something in common and be equally yoked.

Jade 03/05/2010 at 9:38 PM
This ‘problem’ is truly a Worldwide phenom. I’m 30 years old, a black female, living in London – England, and hear the same cry from young ’successful’ black men and women all the time. And yes they are successful, these are journalists working on national titles, managing directors of their own enterprises, teachers etc. And they can’t get a date within their own race! never mind a relationship or marriage. Some of my black female friends now want to do the whole dating outside your race thing, as if that’s any easier. I think that in general alot of men and women have become selfish, materialistic and unwilling to compromise, all to the detriment of relationships. I myself am educated, but always understood the importance of work-life balance, and so didn’t neglect my personal life, hoping that one day things would just fall into place. Ladies be strategic, put effort into finding a good man, you did to get an education and the career that is always so proudly mentioned. I met my partner at 19, and were still together 11 years on. And yes he is black, so it is possible. Decide what you want from life and focus on ways in which to achieve it. Don’t just sit back and wait for things to happen – make it happen.

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 65 moyare 05/08/2010 at 2:50 AM
Hi to all sweet lovely black women whose in that show program hey i love to marry one of you ! i am 33 years 6.2 foot black guy

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 66 CandiedChestnut 06/06/2010 at 10:43 AM
I really don’t know why our personal lives matter so much to this country, but our singleness shouldn’t be so important. I think black women in the U.S. should be realistic and know that marriage (involving men) isn’t an option for them due to systemic discrimination. Let’s just face the facts. Now that doesn’t mean nothing can be done about it going forward. I am happy that gay marriage in some states is recognized so I think black women need to consider marrying each other for financial support. This doesn’t mean they have to be lesbians, but the legal commitment to support of partners to support a household and help with child rearing is important to escape poverty. They are parts of Africa that do this in villages where many men have been killed off.

Those black women that have some time to spare for childrearing and want a male spouse need to consider leaving the US. I have a few friends who snagged good husbands in Europe and I saw more black women date interracially over there, so chances are better other places. I’m hoping only the cla**y and attractive black women represent overseas. Hoochie mama types should stay in the U.S.

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 67 Blue 07/05/2010 at 2:12 AM
I am a black man that would love to marry a black woman. I’m basically looking for seven things: Christian, intelligent, emotionally stable, reasonably attractive, single and childless. I’m lucky to find four of those. I am all of those (well attractiveness is subjective, of course), so I look for them in return. Whoever I find that has all seven gets a ring.

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 68 gettingmarried 07/13/2010 at 12:48 AM
I am a black woman, 33, college-educated, successful with no kids. For years I prayed and wished for a husband and I waited on several successful, college-educated black men that I was dating to choose me over the other women they were dating and it never happened. I met a nice college-educated, but blue-collar guy and he wasn’t playing games like the others. We are getting married soon. Does part of me wish I had someone in the corporate world, yes. Am I settling for less, no. I am marrying someone that loves me, not waiting on a fantasy.

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 69 AfricanKing 09/23/2010 at 3:21 PM
Truth⁠ 01/06/2010 at 1:33 AM⁠

⁠43⁠

Payroll specialist? High school counselor? That doesn’t really scream “success” to me. Most “successful” women make themselves out to be more than what they really are when they have relatively average jobs. They’ll buy their little C-cla**, hit the Bebe store and walk around like they’re ballin outta control. The media and the sistahood will have you believing that there is an abundance of highly educated BW making six figure salaries. Most of these “successful” women only have a bachelor’s degree and a decent paying jobs. I guess the term successful is relative.

Co-Sign Good Point: This problem is very common in western world. It all connects to slavery and how the society view black women in western world.

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 70 lara 09/26/2010 at 5:41 AM
I am a black woman in Africa, I think our western sisters have lost it. No matter how educated you get, subservience to your man is the key..It’s not what you know but what you do with what you i.e to trust and respect your king..

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 71 Tranmike 11/08/2010 at 5:17 AM
Rich women do not get married because they dont look for husbands .I am a singer of my own genre persuing university studies here in Cameroon and I am ready to marry any woman who needs a husband because i also need a wife desperately so if any woman is interested in me contact me for details


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« Last Edit: February 01, 2011, 07:20:07 PM by The Almighty Based Frost »

That not good enough for ya?


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71 Tranmike 11/08/2010 at 5:17 AM
Rich women do not get married because they dont look for husbands .I am a singer of my own genre persuing university studies here in Cameroon and I am ready to marry any woman who needs a husband because i also need a wife desperately so if any woman is interested in me contact me for details

Just read the last comment.
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66 CandiedChestnut 06/06/2010 at 10:43 AM
I really don’t know why our personal lives matter so much to this country, but our singleness shouldn’t be so important. I think black women in the U.S. should be realistic and know that marriage (involving men) isn’t an option for them due to systemic discrimination. Let’s just face the facts. Now that doesn’t mean nothing can be done about it going forward. I am happy that gay marriage in some states is recognized so I think black women need to consider marrying each other for financial support. This doesn’t mean they have to be lesbians, but the legal commitment to support of partners to support a household and help with child rearing is important to escape poverty. They are parts of Africa that do this in villages where many men have been killed off.

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6 Uh-OH! 12/28/2009 at 2:13 PM
Most of these “successful” black women are not really looking for a man until it’s too late. The first thing these type of women usually talk about when you meet them is their degrees, their job status and how a man can’t handle their “success” .They don’t know how to be women anymore, because they’re too worried about being “Successful”. There is nothing wrong with having ambition and goals, however, your success shouldn’t define who you are. There are plenty of good black men available but they’re too short, too ugly, too poor, or not thuggish enough. The good black men are shunned by these type women in colleges, because they are all chasing the basketball and football players. None of these women would have given Barrack Obama a chance when he was a poor college student, because they were too busy chasing the wrong men. When they hit age 30 they go looking for those same black men and they’re usually married to white woman. I am married to a black woman whom I love dearly and these are my observations from watching her single friends for the last 10+ years. They pa** over so many good black men, yet they still complain……



The second part in bold reminds me of someone's avatar. Pyro, I think. But these women is SA making it big need to slow down with thinking they the ish just because they earn more than us.


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66 CandiedChestnut 06/06/2010 at 10:43 AM
I really don’t know why our personal lives matter so much to this country, but our singleness shouldn’t be so important. I think black women in the U.S. should be realistic and know that marriage (involving men) isn’t an option for them due to systemic discrimination. Let’s just face the facts. Now that doesn’t mean nothing can be done about it going forward. I am happy that gay marriage in some states is recognized so I think black women need to consider marrying each other for financial support. This doesn’t mean they have to be lesbians, but the legal commitment to support of partners to support a household and help with child rearing is important to escape poverty. They are parts of Africa that do this in villages where many men have been killed off.


I wonder where thier stats about Africa originate...

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 44 glad2beblack 01/06/2010 at 12:44 AM
I am a 56 year old black woman who does not regret being single. After being raised in the projects of New Orleans and seeing black women settle for half of loaf rather than a whole, I decided to become financially stable rather than marry an abusive, insecure, and selfish black man. Ladies don’t be so desperate. If you lower your standards, you will not be happy anyway. Remember GOD is in charge. Black women are overwhelmingly single because they are still the backbone of the race. I believed that if it wasn’t for the black woman we probably would have perished a long time ago.

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37 TreyPound 12/29/2009 at 1:30 PM
Now that gay shit is like this. OFC a faggot is going be able to get into your draws. During the span of courtship, a faggot has infinite patience. Why? Because he’s busy making every penthouse like a scene from Oz. Anybody can get what they really don’t want. You women, you want a man who dresses NICE, who’s face is smooth like yours, who talks soft like you, who makes himself the Aunt Jamima on the job just like you, and NEVER opposes you and you are so shocked that he is a homosexual. Meanwhile, any other nigga that is not like this you won’t give him the time of day and it don’t matter if he is educated. You CAN’T see educated, you educated chicks don’t understand this, education is not shown in your house, clothes, car, or job, if they were, pimps on the street would be the Oracles of this “education” that you speak of.Education is in your mind, not in the things you have, just like a nice cup of tea or good nutrition, education is WITHIN. There are many people walking around with good nutrition, poor nutrition but you wouldn’t know it, because you can’t see it, only until you go into their refrigerator then you will see it. A true education is the same way, it is a comfort within. It’s not a Benz or business cla** or conferences. And NO, I haven’t seen the clip yet, I don’t need to.

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